I think there is some great advice on this thread for you to evaluate and use what works for you. My experience along the same line was a few years ago I allowed my parents to influence so much in my life. I had decided to make a change in job and city I was living in and my Dad was totally against it. I told him that I needed to make decisions that were right for me. He didn't like it much.....a year or so later, he looked at me and he said you know....you were right. Although it was hard to stand up to him, in the end, he respected me for it and our relationship has become more of one of me being regarded an adult and being respected.....both by myself and him. Good luck on your decision. I think you'd have a great time at TTR, I always have!
At this point I'm just tryin' to wait it out and see what happens next (I just hope it's not bad). Every Sunday night is a family get together. I'm gona be sick!
if you go to this family get together thinking and acting like you have done something wrong..you have validated there control..
I am SO with you Partydollgirl! The SECOND you act like who you are is wrong, that is the SECOND it becomes wrong. Seriously. It's a vacation. It's YOUR vacation. All the hang-ups, hating, bigotry, misunderstanding, ignorance, etc is whose? THEIRS! Fine, let 'em enjoy stewing in their own silliness and closed-mindedness and small-world-edness. You have the right, too, to say: "This is our vacation. We're looking forward to it. And we're not discussing this any longer." The more energy you feed into their fire by trying to argue is just wasted and just gives them more power. This is sort of my approach to being gay too -- "Hey, I'm a good person. Now either get on board and help me increase the joy and love and fun in the world or back off because I'm heading out! My way might not be your way, but ain't a DAMNED thing wrong with my way."
I'll share a text with you I sent my 14 year old son last week. He has flat feet and it becomes extremely aggravating for him to wear his shoes. On the other hand, he enjoys life as a normal active 14 year old kid and this issue was surrounding track and field at school. ---14 year old--"I hate track this is bull. I wanna quit" ---Me-- "How come, other than sore feet you have been enjoying it and you are good at it? Love you" ---14 year old--"My ankles are so sore and I hate how hard they push us. You have no idea how much this blows. And I'm good at it but I hate it" ---Me-- "Lol, sometimes it's tough to be good, then other times it good to be tough, bear with it my little buddy and always remember that nothing good in life comes without some effort, I love you and I am proud of you" ---14 year old--"Ok thanks, love you too" ---Me-- "Good man, keep it up" So I am not sharing this to show my profound philosophies on life or anything remotely similar to that, in fact I am not that profound. My point is that "Nothing good comes without effort" and "sometimes it's good to be tough". You are allowing your family to dictate how you should behave and at some point you are going to have to pick your battle and stick to your guns. The two of you will have to decide together which battle you chose to pick. This may not be that battle and I would not advise you to go without your husband on this vacation, emotions are running high,and if you are away during your weekly Sunday night family dinner that he attends alone, just imagine the gossip and condescending conversations going on around that dinner table. However, what happens when you decide to take a stand against something that you fell really strong about. ---You and your husband---"We will no longer shop at Walmart because Good American workers are losing their jobs due to all the goods imported from overseas" ---Grandpa--- "I do not believe that you are in a financial position to shop at the higher priced stores, I expect that you will continue to shop at Walmart and the money you save should go towards your weekly tithe" At some point you have to take a stand, but you have to take this stand together, it is you and your husband against the world,-it is not your husbands family and your husband and you against the world,-and you need to support each other in your decisions. You have mentioned that you and your husband are considering swinging, (I hope grandpa doesn't know that). If this ever moves past fantasy and into reality, without a strong conviction to each other there is no way you will make it through your relationship. Speak to anyone on this board who are actively involved in the lifestyle. The biggest key to the strength of their relationship is communication at every level. Good luck with whatever it is you decide to do.
I so agree with everyone that this is a symbol of a bigger issue, but you have try to put it in perspective and do what is right for you. I think you can tell that this isn't a "normal" amount of parental control, though (girlfriend to girlfriend, this is striking a nerve because my first set of in-laws was a bit like yours.) My red flag is up that this may now be causing tension between you and your husband. Is that maybe what his family REALLY wants? You need to think through: How much is your husband willing to back you, even if it means losing them? If you go and they disown you, what will your life look like a year from now? How would it affect your husband's feelings toward you? How would you feel without these people in your life? If he gives in to them and refuses to go, how will that affect your feelings toward him? In a year, if you and your husband haven't had the opportunity to explore your interests, how will you feel? Is this the only thing his family objects to, or will they find something else to disapprove of?
Regardless of what decision you make now, the damage is done. If you continue with your plans, gramps will disown you. If you decide to forgo your plans, gramps will never look at you the same again. Even if you give in to them now, every vacation you take from now on will be questioned and looked suspicious. Every time you introduce a new friend or go out to dinner with friends, this family will be whispering and wondering what the relationship is between you. In a perfect world our families would stand behind the decisions we make in life and not in front of them. I hope this doesn't cause a wedge between you and your husband and things work out for you both. Go with your heart and make a decision you can both live with.
I agree with Dmac. Things will not magically return to the way they were if you opt to cancel the trip and stay home. That being said only you and your husband know your family and how important they are in your life. For all we know they may be trying to manipulate you because they truly love and care about you and are afraid of what this may do to your marriage. Manipulation is a terrible tool to use against those we love, but I would say most of us are guilty at certain points in our lives. I agree going without your husband is not a good plan; I feel like you would end up regretting that decision. Like all difficult times in our lives this is one of those places that you and your husband need to weigh risks and benefits of your choices and then present a united front when you've decided what is best for you as a couple, showing your family the love shared between the two of you. I can say this...TTR is wonderful but I would never sacrifice my marriage for it and there are people in my family that mean enough to me that out of respect for them if they were to ask me not to go, I wouldn't. Only you and you're husband know exactly what you're risking in this and if it's worth it.
