Dave's First Timer Lessons. Day 1- Left a day early- couldn't take the anticipation, called and changed reservation and planes. Arrived about 1 o'clock and had to wait for room. Avoided timeshare people with little hassle and headed to sexy pool. We had the over under at 10 minutes for Steph's top to come off. She lasted 12 and won that, then had her bottoms off for the Ironman thing at about 16 minutes in. It was all sexy time after that. Erotic uniform night- cop outfit that we threw together in a day because we left a day earlier than planned worked out like a charm. Lesson One- Get out there and just say "Hi". We were nervous about meeting all these crazy people, somehow forgetting that we were probably the crazy ones anyway. We met some amazing folks, and will never forget most of the trip, but we should have been quicker to get into friend mode. Lesson Two- Don't plan a completely sheer outfit for your first night- it takes big balls for ladies to leave the room that sexy. If we had left as planned she would have been entirely in fishnet, and I'm not sure we would have made it out of the room. Lesson Three- Have "the talk" ahead of time in regards to drunken limits and when enough is enough. Almost went off the deep end and ruined the vacation, but had the "you're done" signal, and somehow got to see the morning with a wife and all body parts intact. Day 2- Knocked off the cobwebs, got some breakfast and jumped in to the sexy pool all day. Neon night- dressed wifey up in pink fishnet, spent an hour convincing her she was sexy, made the trip to Paty O's to ensure there were other sexies there before her, and watched as she practically ran from the room to the bar. Then found another girl in almost exactly the same outfit, and I swear she and Megan were the two sexiest twins ever. Good night and pretty much got the drunken pace down. Lesson Four- Men will have to make women feel sexy, and will have to make the walk to Paty O's alone- fact of life. Day 3- Up early again- good chairs at pool, it does make a difference. Same breakfast every day, but I'm not too picky anyway. Watched my beautiful 40 year old wife compete at Miss Temptation and get completely robbed by a younger redhead. It was totally worth it to see what she could do with a bottle of champagne. Naughty schoolgirl night- she got to turn the tides on me, as I dressed up in pink plaid squarecuts to match her outfit. I did the whole "I can't do this, it makes my butt look big, what will everyone think, fuck it, laugh, run to Paty O's" routine while she calmly wore her entirely too sexy outfit with a smile. Lesson Five- Men need to get into the theme nights too, even if it makes you feel like a complete pussy putting on something ridiculous. Rock it. YOLO Day 4- Watched the daytime activities, and figured out that the entertainment staff job is entirely impossible to do well. Jules, JJ and Roxy give it everything they've got, but you can't get lazy drunk people to do very much. Felt horrible as a topless Jules tried to get people interested in the activities, and pretty much everyone ignored her. That would hurt anyone's feelings. My hat goes off to them for their effort. Foam party- worth it, yes. Fun, yes. AIWC body shots, yes. Half an hour later is it nice to get back to Sexy pool, yes. lingerie night- thought the Casino was fairly crappy, but how can a night do dancing with women in lingerie ever be a bad thing. Lesson Six- Pastie Glue doesn't come off easy. Day 5- Boobs Cruise. I was completely feeling like shit from the Temptation Montezuma's Revenge, and was not ready for the worlds crappiest tequila. Chinos and Omar were absolutely OK with that, and didn't push anyone to do anything they didn't want. Unless, of course, anal sex and spankings aren't your thing. Just Kidding(sort of). Made it out to White night, which is absolutely my favorite theme, and my wife was told that this was completely her comfort zone. We laughed at the time, but they might have been right. Sexy should be a natural thing for all the women. They deserve it. Lesson Seven- Maybe your comfort zone needs to change a little. Day 6- Red night, last night at resort. Noticed many more single guys there, and some fairly rowdy, but nothing that affected the group that I noticed. I may have to get a shirt that says BYOB- bring your own boobs. Sports pool at 2 AM, laughing until there were tears, knowing you will miss this place and all the wonderful people you met. Lesson Eight- If you aren't adding to the sexy vibe, you just might be taking away from it- I'm talking to the groups of single guys- not all, but most. Lesson Nine- Being part of a group is good for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the comfort knowing someone has your drunken back in a late night club so you don't get pulled away by some morons- ladies dressed in very little clothing dancing in groups are sexier anyway. Thanks June Junkies. Leaving Day- Got to say goodbye to people backwards (from the sexy pool as opposed to from the side), as we were transferring resorts to get a three day detox at another all-inclusive. Totally backfired, as it took all of an hour to figure out that most people on vacation either don't like their significant other very much, or they really love to read. Day two at Excellence, my wife has some of the couples doing body shots and acting sexy, and the resort doesn't much like either of us in our MS and squarecuts. Lesson Nine- You will never be the same. Observations- If you are looking for a nice resort, find a different place. Bad room, bad lighting, bad toilet, bad water temperature, bad humidity, bad food, slippery flooring, slippery pool- the place is not a great location. But looking out from my two story rooftop terrace at Excellence Playa Mujeres, I would pack up in a heartbeat to go back tonight. You can't replace the vibe, the sexiness, the friendliness anywhere else. Great trip, great set of hazy memories- we'll be back soon. Final Lesson- Happy Wife, Happy Life. Sorry I didn't call out everyone by name, but it could make you an accomplice, would take too many words, and I have to get back to sexy time here. Have fun. Dave
Gr8 TR.....I usually lose interest after first 20 secs on most trs. But yours was tremendous. Not too long, poignant, funny and tip-filled. Excellent read.
Great meeting you guys. We will never forget the gay malboro man poses. Lol. Priceless! Hope y'all make it back next year. Tom & Lorie
I like the second Lesson 9, You'll never be the same. That is just the plain truth. And in a good way.
So glad to hear you all had a blast and you will be back for more good times - just like us all!! Thanks for sharing you memories /w the members here - wicked TR!! :typing: Cheers!!
It was great meeting you two! I'm glad you participated in the themes. The women love it when the men dress up....Curtis didn't have a choice!!!! LOL Hope you make it back next year.
