Sorry about the Creation of a p***** Joke, so heres more

Come on Steve you must have a sence of humour, you're a forest fan. LOL

Top team in division one this year hey steve.

 

One day a farmer decided to sell-up. The first thing he bought was a
Mercedes-Benz, he eventually sold everything except a young chick and
a horse. Being the only two animals on the farm, they soon became fast friends. On day after a heavy rainfall, the horse fell into a large , deep
mud hole, the chick immediately knew he had to save his friend. He ran
to the house to get the farmer, but, he wasn’t home. As luck would have it
the farmers Mercedes was in the driveway, the chick got in , drove to the
horse, tied a rope to the car & the horse an pulled his friend out. The horse was eternally grateful. A few days later there was another rainfall,
causing more mud holes. This time the chick fell into one, the horse knew to resuce his friend, glancing to the house, there was no farmer and no Mercedes. Thinking quickly, he straddled the hole and told his
friend to grab hold of his penis and he’d pull him out. The chick did
so and was rescued.

The moral or this story: If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a
Mercedes to get chicks.

 

A truck driver was driving on the freeway when he noticed a young girl
standing on the side of the road next to a broken down car. The truck driver pulls up behind the car and rolls his window down. The young girl comes up to his window. He says "hey lady need a lift?" she replies to him "yes my car broke down i need to get to a phone." She opens the door and jumps in. As they are driving the truck driver introduces himself. "my name is Snow, what’s yours?" "June" she replies to him. He then asks her her age, and she replies to him that she is 22. He goes on to ask stupid questions to get her into a talking mood. After a while she notices he has been staring at her ever since she got into the truck. She decides to ask him "is there something wrong? You have been staring at me." He looks over and replies "No. Im just thinking," "thinking about what?" he replies with a grin on his face "thinkin what it would be like to have eight inches of snow in june."

 

Didnt do too well in the cup today though did they :lol: :lol:

Keep the jokes coming dingle :lol: :lol: :lol:

Ian :lol:

 

A man was on his way out to work,and said to his wife:
I want steak tonight for dinner. She replied, well give me some money!
He took her to the mirror, pulls out a $20 bill and said:
You see this twenty? this one is mine, the one in the mirror is yours,and he leaves for work.
That night he gets home, and sure enough, a beautiful steak on the dinner table.
He eats his steak and says to the wife. now, i want to sex!
She takes him to the mirror, lifts her dress, drops her knickers and says:
you see this pussy?
The one in the mirror is all for you, this one belongs to the butcher.

 

There was once these three boys walking home from school!!! On the way they herd this music coming from the barn a little bit ahead of them !!! the first boy looked through a hole in the barn and ran in side all happy, the second boy looked through the hole and ran inside all happy!!! But when the third little boy looked through to hole, he ran all the way home!!! The next day at school the two boys came up to the other boy and said "" why’d you run away!!?!!"" and the litle boy told them "" my mommy told me that if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone........ and i felt something get hard!!!!

 

Alright, there i was walking through downtown new york with two beautiful women at my side when i come across a stand called peaches of a 1000 flavors...so i say to myself "peaches of a 1000 flavors?" theres only one flavor and thats peach. So i walk up to this guy who was working the stand. He says to me hello i am habib, what flavor would you like? i say..look habib theres only one flavor and thats peach, lets go girls this is stupid....wait says habib just pick a flavor.....so i say fine idiot....peanut butter and jelly. habib says done i will be right back....so habib goes to the back of his stand and brings me this peach....im like no f**king way....try it he says. So i take a bite out of it and holy shit it tastes like peanut butter! wait? what a bout the jelly habib? Turn it...around, he replies. so i turn it around and give it a bite...holy shit it tastes like jelly...this is fucking crazy! girls lets go!........wait...pick one more flavor so i can make you a believer says habib.....uuuh....uh...im nervous so i say the first thing on my mind....i look at the girls and say....uh pussy. I will be right back he said. he goes back to his shack and brings out this peach....i say no f**king way....he says try it....so i pick it up look at the girls....then take a bite out of it.....i spit all of it out of my mouth in disgust and say this tastes like f**king shit habib......Turn it around....he replies

 

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls
back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says,

"There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was so wonderful, but, listen very, very closely.

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

 

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction. When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, ''He is such a sweet and gentle man but I don't think he can live with my problems.'' So she decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans.

A year later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country, she called her husband and told him she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she could walk off any ill effect by the time she reached home. So she stopped at the diner, and before she knew it she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putt-putted.
Upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her, exclaiming delightedly, ''Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'' He then blindfolded her then led her to a chair at the table. Just as he was about to remove the blindfold the phone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold till he came back. Then he went to answer the phone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted the weight to one leg, and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelt like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk coming from a pulp mill. She took a napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cabbage cooking. Keeping her ears turned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signed the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with the napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contently to herself, she was the picture of innocence when her husband returned. Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removes the blindfold to reveal twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a first Happy Anniversary!

 

LMFAO :lol: