Sorry about the Creation of a p***** Joke, so heres more

Discussion in 'Temptation Cancun Forum' started by barnstyke, Nov 29, 2006.

  1. barnstyke

    barnstyke Guest

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    Ok heres one to test the Mods.

    DREAMS OF WIFE, HUSBAND

    A wife woke up from her night's sleep and began recounting her dream to her husband.
    "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks in this place,"she began, "the big ones went for a tenner and the thick ones went for 20."

    "How about the ones like mine?" asked her husband.
    "Those they gave away," she replied tongue in cheek.

    "I had a dream too," started the husband. "I dreamt they were auctioning off Pussys. The pretty ones went for a 1000 and the little tight ones went for double that!"

    "And how much for the ones like mine?" enquired the wife to her husband.
    "That's where they held the auction," he replied.

    Hahaha LOL
     
  2. barnstyke

    barnstyke Guest

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    Just one more, i can't resist.

    The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day,she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

    "I'm in love," the boy replied.
    Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
    "With YOU!" he said.

    "But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

    "Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"

    Thats it for today, i think!!!!!!

    Daz.
     
  3. barnstyke

    barnstyke Guest

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    Just slipping another one in. hahaha

    VENGEANCE

    Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together.

    As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.

    Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

    So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her having sex with her new boyfriend's and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone." Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but, even more so, was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome.

    He wrote on the back of the photo the following, "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!" and mailed the picture to her parents.

    Nice one LOL

    Daz.
     
  4. barnstyke

    barnstyke Guest

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    SMART-ASS

    A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

    A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

    When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

    LOL

    Thats it for tonight, taking my wife out for a meal and shes paying. LOL

    I’ll save the rest for tomorrow.

    Daz.
     
  5. AJ0527

    AJ0527 Guest

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    It seems you have a very productive day at work

    Oh P.S. I love lock threads :lol:
     
  6. barnstyke

    barnstyke Guest

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    Red Neck joke.

    Sam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.

    After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big bearded Vermonter is standing there. He says, "Names Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come."

    "Great," replies Sam. "After six months of living like this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me."

    As Enoch is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'."
    "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of them."

    Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n likely gonna be some fightin', too."
    Tough crowd, Sam thinks to himself. "Well, I get along with people. Don't worry, I'll be there. Thanks again."

    Once again, Enoch turns from the door, "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."
    "Now that is not a problem," Sam says. "I've been up here all alone for six long months. I'll definitely be there.

    By the way, what should I wear?"

    Enoch stops in the doorway one last time and says...
    "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the 2 of us there."

    Daz.
     
  7. barnstyke

    barnstyke Guest

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    Hola ME again!!!!!!!!!

    This guy goes into a whore house and tells the front desk person that he wants something different...something weird!

    She sends him up to the 3rd floor to see Lisa. He knocks on the door and this beautiful 6 ft. tall red-head answers the door.

    He says he`s sorry and that he must have the wrong room (she`s much too beautiful!!!) She assures him that he has come to the right place. She instructs him to take off his clothes and she will be right back.

    When she enters the room a few moments later she is naked and very beautiful!! He`s tells her that he is looking for something different and she looks perfect. What could you possibly do different? he asks.

    So she removes her false eye and tells him to stick it there. He is very apprehensive at first but she assures him that she has sex thousands of times that way and that it will be the best sex he ever had!!!

    So, he sticks his dick in her eye and proceeds to have the best sex of his life. When he`s done he tells her that it indeed was the best sex he ever had and could he visit her again when he is back in town.

    Her response? "Sure, I`ll keep an eye out for you!!"
     
  8. barnstyke

    barnstyke Guest

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    This guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"

    The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."

    The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in Iowa?"

    The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."

    The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?"

    The guy says "I mount animals."

    The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"



    Don't take offence if you are from Arkansas. LOL Daz.
     
  9. barnstyke

    barnstyke Guest

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    A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".

    Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.

    This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".

    Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fall off.
     
  10. barnstyke

    barnstyke Guest

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    A nun gets into a cab and the driver keeps staring at her through the rear view mirror. "You know, Sister," the cab driver says, "I hope you aren't too offended, but I've always had this fantasy of getting a blowjob from a nun."

    The nun thinks for a moment and says, "I'm not too offended. I just have two requirements. One, that you be single, and two, that you be Catholic."

    "Oh yes, Sister, I am single and Catholic," the cab drive replies, so they pull into an alley and the nun proceeds to satisfy the cab driver orally. After they're done, the cab driver begins laughing.

    "What's so funny?" the nun asks. "Ha ha!" the cab driver annnounces, "I fooled you sister. The truth is I'm really married and I'm Jewish!"

    "That's okay," the nun replies, "My name is Bob and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party."
     
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