I can't believe janie outdid you with her version...maybe because fo the expletive at the end (Shame on you, janie! :lol: ): Pure Polar Bear A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad, am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear." Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear." Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandmom...Grand pop...am I all polar bear?" His grandmother answers, "Of course you are sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?" The baby polar bear replies, "Because I'm fucking freezing!"
Thats not bad at all, may-be I should add a few more F's T's B's P's and C's. LOL looks like me having to add a few more to the list, as soon as i get time. Daz.
A guy walks into a bar, picks up a lady, brings her home and f---- the shit out of her, but everytime he’d put it inside her her toes would curl, with a confused expression on his face he replies " I’ve never had a woman that everytime I’d put it inside that her toes would curl" and she replies " Well I’ve never had a man f--- me through my pantyhose either"!
A rednecks wife goes to the doctors and asks for the contraceptive pill. The doctor say “why would you want the contraceptive pill you’re 8 months pregnant”. She says my husbands found another hole and I don’t want one of these on my back!!!!!!!!!!!
Two friends, Jack and Joe, are sitting in a bar, drinking beer and discussing married life. Jack: "So, when does your wife scream loudest during sex"? Joe: "When I clean myself off with the curtains".
Just taking the time to wish everyone that reads my silly jokes (good and bad) a HAPPY NEW YEAR Have a good one tonight. Daz.
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I`d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and pursued them to give up drugs forever. I`ll see you back in court Monday." Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one,"How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That`s wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this(small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That`s admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy) "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That`s amazing! How did you manage to do that!" "Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, `This is your asshole before prison...`"
Corporate Lessons Lesson Number One: A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the Rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. Lesson Number Two: A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. Lesson Number Three: A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him! The morals of this story are: 1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy. 2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut
