A milkman goes to a house to collect his money. When he knocks the door swings open and he walks in. The place is a mess, beer bottles and liquer bottles everywhere. He is just about to leave when the lady of the house comes down the stairs. He looks at her then looks at the mess. She explains that they had a big party last night. the milkman spots a blanket on the floor with holes all cut out. Whats that for he asks,well she explained we were playing party games last night. Where we had all the men line up behind the blanket and stick there penis’s out the holes. Then all the women went along and tried to guess whos was whos. Man that must have been some party wish I was there. Well you might as well have been here becouse your name come up several times.
I thought I may as well add these old ones as well. A young woman in New York City was severely depressed so she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. This continued every night of the trip. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe and he's screwing me." "He sure is, lady," the Captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry." ************************************************************* A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and chesse with broccoli." Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked here!" ************************************************************* Lady Diana and Pamela Anderson die on the same day, and they both go before St.Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide which of them gets in. St. Peter asks Pamela if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, so she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm sure it will please him to be able to see them every day for eternity." St. Peter thanks Pamela, and asks Diana the same question. Diana drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it. St. Peter says, "OK, Diana, you may go in. Have a nice day." Pamela is outraged. She screams, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own creations, she performs a disgusting, pornographic act, and she gets in and I don't?!!!" "Sorry, Pamela, but a royal flush beats a pair any day." ************************************************************* Once upon a time.....there was a little old man from Cancun who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day on the beach. One morning he looked into a mirror and was admiring his body when he noticed that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis. He decided to do something about it. He jogged to the beach, completely undresses and buried himself in the sand except for his penis. Just then two little old ladies from the BBG were strolling along the beach, one walking with a cane. Upon seeing this thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it about with her cane. She remarked to the other old lady: "There ain't hardly no justice in the world". The other little old lady asked: "What do you mean by that?" "Well", she said, "When I was 15, I was curious about it." "When I was 20, I enjoyed it." "When I was 30, I asked for it." "When I was 40, I begged for it." "When I was 50, I paid for it." "When I was 60, I prayed for it." "When I was 70, I forgot about it." "And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild and I'm too old to squat." Daz.
Mother, father and young son are visiting the circus. The elephants walk out into the circus ring and the little boy says to his mother, "What’s that?" "That’s the elephant’s tail," she replies. "No, under the tail," says the youngster. The mother is clearly embarrassed and says, "Oh, thats nothing." The boy turns to his father and repeats the same question. His father looks and says, "That’s the elephant’s penis, son." "So, why did mum say it was nothing?" asks the boy. The father draws himself up to his full height and says, "Son, I’ve spoiled that woman."
A lady goes to a tattoo parlor. She asks the tattoo guy to tattoo a thanksgiving turkey on the top of her left leg and she also asks him to tatoo a christmas tree on top of the other leg. When the tattoo artist asks her why she is getting a turkey and a christmas tree, she says,"my husband is always complaning that their is never much to eat between thanksgiving and christmas.’’
There was a little boy who lived with his grandpa. Every day after school the grandpa would take his grandson to the store and he would buy himself a beer and the boy would buy a scratch ticket. One day the boy asked his grandpa if he could have a drink of his beer, the grandpa said "Does your pecker reach your asshole?" The little boy said "No". Then the Grandpa said " Well then you still have to grow". The next day the little boy asked his grandpa if he could drive, the grandpa said "Does your pecker reach your asshole?". The little boy said "No". And the grandpa said " Then you still have to grow". Then one day they were walking out of the store and the little boy had bought a scratch ticket and he starts yelling " I won ten thousand dollars! I won ten thousand dollars!" The grandpa said " You’re gonna share with your favorite grandpa aren’t you?" The little boy said " Does your pecker reach your asshole?". The grandpa said " As a matter of fact it does". Then the little boy said "Good, go f**k yourself!"
A father walked past his litle boys room and heard the boy saying "god bless mummy, daddy, grandma bye bye grandpa!" The father thought nothing of it and was glad the boy was praying. The next day they found the boys grandfather dead. That night the father heard the boy say "god bless mummy, daddy bye bye grandma." The next day the grandma was found dead. that night the father heard the boy say "god bless mummy bye bye daddy." The father was realy worried and stayed up all night in the morning he went to the doctor "help i think i’m going to die" but the doctor went "your perfectly fine." The father went home feeling worried but when he walked through the front door his wife went "i’m so glad your here i found the milkman dead this morning."
A wife was worried that she and her husband were loosing their spice in the bed room and a friend suggests she invest in some new lingerie. She buys a pair of crotchless underwear and takes them home to try out. Her husband is watching TV so she dances around the living room, sitting and spreading her legs and doing all she can do to appear erotic and desirable. She is at her wits end so she puts on a husky voice and says: "So you want some of this?" To which he replies: "Not after what it did to your underwear."
There was an African Ambassador who came to meet with his Russian delegate friend. Well, the ambassador was introduced to the game Russian Roulette. You press a gun to your temple, squeeze the trigger, and see if you get the only bullet in the six chambers. The ambassador was both amused and entertained by this game. A couple years passed, and the delegate goes to meet with his friend, the ambassador who informs him that he has a similar game. He pointed to six, gorgeous women. “All of them will give you a blow job.” The delegate was confused. “Where’s the risk?” “Well, one of them is a cannibal
