They have to look the part, we can audition for vodka carriers down the flats can't we? I might just hang round Old St tube station on a saturday and grab a few likely suspects. We'll need to find the taxi man with the rock to be our chauffeur. O' Dowd will be delighted to welcome us to his house, I expect he'll be giving interviews saying 'I see so much of my old self in them, it's a one way ticket to destruction town'. I tell you what I am NOT having though - Elton bloody John taking us to the South of France to 'sort us out'! none of that pap, I don't want rehabilitating, do you?
Oh F*CK no! Elton & his partner, David Furnitureshop, aint rehabilitating US! No need, we're alright, just a bit of crack every few hours. Whats the bloody problem? George will hide us at his and make sure Cods can get to us. Oh, taxi man with the rock! We love him, he's been with us from the start.
Oh he has - there from the start, we'll allow him to sell stories and give us the money - he can deposit it straight at Codders can't he? 'I knew they'd hit the big time, ever since they harrassed me in my cab to find them somewhere to wee' He can vouch for our hardcore drug abuse too. We'll be snapped by Heat doing our weekly shopping for perfume marinade at Bollymarket down Brickers. We will never be seen without massive sunglasses either. Who will our celeb friends be? Courtney Love will beg to be in the band, but frankly, she just wont be wild enough.
Yeah, he so can. 'I knew the lead singer, Jodie, had star quality when she manhandled the black man in the flats'. He'll be our link to Codders when we're holed up at Georges. Hahahahaaaaa, perfume marinade! God, I love it. CL aint good enough after shagging the Partridge. Let's get some really young boys we can corrupt and some old hellraisers to be advisors.
My old adviser will be Johnny Rotten, I might even contact Sid Vicious on the other side....as for young corruptibles...lets bag a few 14 year olds and take them on our tourbus with us. We need some speciality bad behaviour, arson?! fuelled by perfume marinade?!!!!
He's the best one, share Johnny! We'll ask Keith Moon as well. Def get some 14 yr olds, but get ones that look older than their years, heh heh. Arson & punching random women!
Setting fire to the hair of random women!!! We can pee on stuff too. Ooh my dad went to school with Slade, they weren't very wild but Noddy Holder could be style advisor. Do you want to spit on June Sarpong, or shall I?
I'm going to burn the face of Fiona Philips. Prob will start a hate campaign. You do June. Yes, loving the Slade connection. Get your Dad to get Noddy to come to Mums for a pow-wow session on our image.
Remember in interviews when we get asked 'so you actually think this behaviour is big and clever' the answer is always YES, now f**k off. I intend to find every reformed drug addict and tempt them into a relapse, we're starting a cult - uncontrollable, destructive and abusive. Talent is optional. Sharon Osbourne might try and help us too, I love her but even so - it's the rocky road to ruin for me, I'm not turning round!
Too right. Downward spiral of drug-induced destruction. F*ckin' great. We'll take down T-PT, Daniella Westbrook, Naomi Campers etc. They all love a toot. Can't wait to drive Ronald when off my melon and smash him up. Gonna do it in Shoreditch I think, you coming?
