Mate, he's rich! do him. go round his house and steal some of his sovereigns, it wont matter if he comes after you, we'll shoot him with the rifle we used to pop a few beefeaters. I totally love being an Irish gypsy kid....and I love our song 'the green pikey and the pipey', its so good of us to acknowledge our roots. and toots. Damn rozzas, why cant they leave us alone. Might write another song about being harrassed by the filth. We can dress ratman up as a pig and torture him for the video.
Bloody beefeaters. Good hats though. I'm definitely doing him anyway. Roots and toots - that HAS to be the name of our eagerly anticpated difficult second album. Yes, write it. When we film our latest short-film to accompany the album, like Pink Floyd did, we can use it as the first scenes with that tune playing. I love being a film director.
Im amazed that everything we turn our hand to, we're good at! Roots, Toots & Suits - we'll be on the front cover, standing somewhere outside the flats but with a sign saying 'Ireland' (cos thats where we're really from) wearing our woodchip suits, you'll have a rolled up fiver up your nose and I'll be holding a dead *** head in my hand. It will come with a book containing loads of quotes from all the other celebs that love us. And photos of us on tour, done by Danny Clifford. WHen shall we retire and what will we do next I wonder?
Don't be amazed Jode, you have to accept our self-worth and stop carving yourself up about it. I love my woodchip suit, do you? The dead *** will give it so much depth won't it, I can't wait. I might invite John Leslie to do a few quotes. Let's retire soon, I want to spend days tooting in Mums.
Ok, lets retire soon for a few days then return with a comeback album and world tour. we'll slag off every country we go but the people will just love us more. I do love my woodchip suit, I love getting splinters in my skin - might do a competition for fans to come and pick them out. We should get John Leslie in the band, he's a caner of the highest degree, doubt he can keep up with us and Pat. Do a sex video of him and put it on the net! Oh - our boyfriends are waiting down Mums back room for us, they want to write a song about how much they love us but they need us to go and abuse them to get some inspiration.
They're getting obsessed with us. OK, lets go but if I aint offered a toot the minute I walk through the door then I'm doing Johnboy Leslie in front of Pete as you film it. Prob do that anyway to be honest. Take the woodchip winner on the World tour with us, they can rack up our lines for us as they pick splinters. F*cking work restaurants out of gear again, I've done it all apparently. It's not on.
I know, they are way too clingy. Ever since you adminstered the shot that made Pat OD, he has been so in love with you. Remember when he chained to a bike rail outside the flats while he wrote his name on you in his blood. Maniac, that one. Lets go and get high with Johnny from Razorlight instead, his drainpipes are tighter. Ok, so we'll christen our new minion 'Woodchip', and give him/her some vile duties like cleaning up our puke and eating the spam fritters that have been on the floor, just for a laugh. And we'll make them cry loads too. Mate, you have got to ration your gear taking during the week, cos every friday you have to go cold turkey - I bet your shaking like f**k aint you?
That was a nightmare day. I was saturated in blood, it took ages for Mum to clean it out of my Viv W pirate trousers. Invite Johnny Razorlight out, see if he can get any magic mush for an omlette. What shall we do first - make Woodchip eat the spam fritters off the floor or fellate the skanky Irish man who lives in Mums window box? I know, I know. I must heed the advice, my arms are convulsing worse than Romeo Beckham. The Bird Lady on St Pauls steps has showed up, she might have some H in her seed basket, I'm off to check.
Sorry, been to fetch some clean needles. Did you get any skag? Johnny Borrel is coming over later with some crack he cooked up himself, he poured some liquid ket in with it, he's got a rock the size of turnip head's head. bring it on.
Yeah, birdseed face gave me a couple of wraps. Thank god, I was dying. Was gonna ring up T-PT in desperation! Mate, I can't wait to inhale off the turnip head can you?!
