A seriously depressed woman stands at the edge of a cliff, trying to get the nerve to jump. A passing hobo stops and says, "since you're about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first? The woman said "Hell no...get away from me...you’re a sicko. The bum turned to leave and mutters "Fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom."
I've only met the wife's identical twin sister once. I caught her fucking our window cleaner in our bed. Never seen her again.:huh:.
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine." He lost 33 lbs that week.
Great joke to ask one of your friends. Sue, what do you call it when you get your tonsils removed? Sue, Tonsillectomy. Sue, what do you call it when you get your appendix removed? Sue, Appendectomy? Sue, what do you call it when a woman gets a sex change? Sue, I don't know! Add A Dick to Me.
A little boy is trying to impress the new girl next door. I bet you don’t have a baseball glove? Girl, No. I bet you don’t have a model airplane? Girl, No. I bet you don’t have a soccer ball? Girl, No. The boy now pulls down his pants and points to his privates and says, I bet you don’t have one of these? Girl, No. She now pulls down her panties and says, but with one of these I can get all those I want.
A guy walks into a pizza place and orders a large pizza. The cashier asks, would you like 6 or 8 pieces? The customer thinks a second and replies, 6, I don't think I could eat 8.
A lady goes to see an eye Doctor for an eye exam. The Doctor says take your top off and your bra. The lady says, I am only here to get my eyes checked. The Doctor says, I am the Doctor, do as I say. She does. He than grabs both her tits and asks her if she can see the holes in her nipples? No she replies. The Doctor then pulls out his dick and asks her if she can see the hole in his dick. She replies, yes. The Doctor says, just what I thought, cockeyed.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hot tub? - Stew! What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a mailbox? - Bill! What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool? - Bob!
So I got in a car accident last week. No injuries, just got rear-ended in traffic. The other driver gets out of his car and I'm shocked to find he's a midget! About four feet tall! Not only that, he's madder than HELL! He comes running up to me, with steam coming out of his ears, and yells "I'M NOT HAPPY" So I asked "Which one are you then?"
