Jokes

Discussion in 'Free For All' started by Neil_Jo, Mar 14, 2013.

  1. Someonejoe

    Someonejoe Newbie Registered Member

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    For all my Irish brothers


    Three men walk into a bar: a Frenchman, an Italian and an Irishman. Each orders one beer. Three flys fly into the bar and one fly lands in each man's beer.

    The Italian man plucks the fly out of his beer, says "tutto e bene" (all is well)" and drinks the beer.
    The Frenchman shows his beer with the bug still inside it to the bartender and demands another beer.
    The Irishman yanks the bug out of the beer, grabs it by it's wings, shakes it while yelling

    "Cough it up, you wee theivin' bastard!"
     
  2. Someonejoe

    Someonejoe Newbie Registered Member

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    Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?

    A: Her ankles
     
  3. Someonejoe

    Someonejoe Newbie Registered Member

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    One more for st. Patrick's day!

    Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn.

    When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

    The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ... your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."

    Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin.

    When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder."

    The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.

    Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way ... ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished.

    One day, he comes in and orders just two pints.

    All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.

    When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

    Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, "Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine!

    Tis me ... I've quit drinking!"
     
  4. GoGoBlanco

    GoGoBlanco Not spoilt, Privileged! Registered Member

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    Two parrots on a perch, one turns round to the other and says 'can you smell fish?'
    :daisy:
     
  5. JimCarrie

    JimCarrie Addict Registered Member

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    ...damn yer sneaky with that one, hidden, undercover humor... no wonder Y'all gave the world James Bond & Monty Python... nevermind Benny Hill!
     
  6. JoeMar

    JoeMar Guru Registered Member

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    Q: What tastes good on pizza, but not on p*ssy?

    A: Crust.

    Pretty bad, but it was damn funny when my 75 year old grandmother told it to me a few years ago!
     
  7. GoGoBlanco

    GoGoBlanco Not spoilt, Privileged! Registered Member

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    A man goes to a zoo, when he gets there, there is only one animal to see and it's a dog!
    It was a Shitzu.
    :daisy:
     
  8. Neil_Jo

    Neil_Jo Addict Registered Member

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    Q: What does 80 year old pussy taste like ?

    A: Depends!
     
  9. Lee and Gail

    Lee and Gail Regular Registered Member

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    A girl told me that Davey Jones from the Monkees had died. At first I thought she was joking..... but then I saw her face now I'm a bereaver.
     
  10. GoGoBlanco

    GoGoBlanco Not spoilt, Privileged! Registered Member

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    A man goes to the doctors and says, "doctor, doctor, I think I'm a moth!"
    The doctor says, "well, I don't think it's me you want to see, maybe I can refer you to a psychiatrist".
    The man says, "funny you should say that, I actually just on my way there when I noticed your light was on."
    :daisy:
     
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