Technology for Country Folk... LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time. WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside. SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag. MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps. KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all" RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle When yore wife asks. MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.
ok.. what do you call a fly with no wings...... A walk! What the first thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits your windsheild...... Its ass....
4 Surgeons Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order". The second surgeon said, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order". The third surgeon said, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up everything is color coded. The fourth surgeon said, "I like operating on lawyers". The other three surgeons looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked why. The fourth surgeon replied, "Because they are heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable".
Misdirected Mail An Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to a young woman whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving lady checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. YOUR LOVING HUSBAND P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE
A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors. "Doctor, I don't feel too good," said the little paper bag. "Hmm, you look ok to me, said the Doctor, "but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows. Come back and see me in a couple of days." The little paper bag felt no better when he went back for the results. "What's wrong with me?" asked the little paper bag."I'm afraid you are HIV positive!" said the doctor."No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!" said the little paper bag. "Have you been having unprotected sex?" asked the doctor."NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!" "Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?" asked the doctor."NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!" Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?" queried the doctor. "No, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!" "Well", said the doctor, "are you in a homosexual relationship?" "NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just a little paper bag!" "Then there can be only one explanation," said the doctor. ... > ( Scroll Down ) > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > this is good - wait for it................. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > "Your mother must have been a carrier "
The Penis Sundial There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his chop sticking out of his pants! The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, "What are you doing?", to which the Indian replies, "Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial." The cowboy in disbelief says, "Ok, what time is it?" The Indian looks down at his "3:35..." "That's amazing, your right!" the cowboy says in amazement. So he hops onto his horse and keeps going. Riding along further, he sees the same thing, gets off his horse, and thinking the last Indian was a fluke, asks this one the time. The Indian looks down at his "one eyed bandit" and says "4:40". The cowboy is stunned, the time was right again! Shaking his head he hops back onto his horse and rides again. After riding a while again, he sees yet another Indian on the ground with his "bald headed champ" except he was jerking off. The cowboy hops off his horse and says, "And what are you doing?" to which the Indian replies, "Me winding clock."
Top 10 Halloween Phrases That Sound Dirty: 10. She's a goblin! 9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack. 8. Let me see your bag....OH! You're having a great night! 7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head. 6. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch. 5. If you just lick it, it'll last longer. 4. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts. 3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth... 2. You scared me stiff! 1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor! Top 10 Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex: 10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy. 6. The person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else. 5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months. 4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky. 3. It doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning. 2. You have less guilt the next morning. 1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!
