Important Women's Health Issue: * Do you have feelings of inadequacy? * Do you suffer from shyness? * Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? * Do you suffer exhaustion from the day to day grind? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas. Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas. Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include: - Dizziness - Nausea - Vomiting - Incarceration - Erotic lustfulness - Loss of motor control - Loss of clothing - Loss of money - Loss of virginity - Table dancing - Headache - Dehydration - Dry mouth - And a Desire to sing Karaoke WARNINGS: * The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not. * The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. * The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing. * The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. Please share this with other women who may need Margaritas.
Top tip; If you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex. Wish me luck. I appear in court next Monday. :bj:
THE RULES OF RURAL INDIANA ARE AS FOLLOWS: Listen up City Slickers! 1. Pull your droopy-ass pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Turn your cap around straight your head isn't crooked. 3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road'. I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-65 goes north and south, use it. 5. So you have a $60,000 car, we're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers that are driven only 3 weeks a year. 6. So every person in rural Indiana waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & biscuits, and homemade pie. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at Bob's bait shop. 9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. 10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age. 11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak or chicken. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey. 12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices - salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in New York call that stuff you eat .... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! 13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. 14. You bring ' Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot,drive a truck, and have long blonde hair. 15. University of Indiana and high school basketball are as important here as New England Pats' and the Steelers and more fun to watch. 16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards ... it spooks the fish. 17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Community Colleges, and Voc-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and Country, and they still wave to everybody when they come home for the holidays. 18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music anyway. We don't want to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers. (Refer back to #1.) 19. Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive in it like you got some sense, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach off the grocery shelves. This ain't Alaska! Worst case ... you may have to live a whole day without croissants. Anyway ... the pickups with snowplows will have you out the next day. 20. By the way ... if you want to talk to God in Indiana, it's a local call. A true Hoosier will send this on!!! God Bless the Midwest!!
PS: GUTS OR BALLS. Do you really know the difference? GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?" BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next, Chubby." I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking there is no difference in the outcome. Both result in death.
wow woody, that was great. you could substitute indiana for south texas. the closest city we have is an hour and a half away. i use the you drive your 60k car everyday, i drive my 300k picker 3 weeks a year....suck it!! down here, high school football is king. and we still pray before the games. screw what anybody says. even the cops take off their hats. listen to the song "way out here" that is us bro. we are being asked to go to cabo but i dont know which place to go. cabo or cancun. i have mixed emotions. mixed emotions are like when your mother-in-law drives off a cliff in "YOUR" brand new car
