A review of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie may seem off-topic in a Temptation forum, but I’ll tell you why it’s not: Racie and I were at Temptation with some of our friends last week - yes, the Shitshow week. It was AWESOME. Not awesome as in “everything is awesome,” but awesome as in literally inspiring awe. (At least that’s what they tell me. I was kind of on a week-long bender, so I have only disconnected fragments of memories of events, activities, and introductions. But those fragments are AWESOME.) We hung out one day with a great couple from Upstate New York, who we began referring to as Christian and Marilyn. We called him Christian because he bore a resemblance to the dude who plays Christian Grey in the movie. Also, he flies a plane. (No bonus points for figuring out why we called her Marilyn.) And we discussed Fifty Shades with this couple. There, now that I’ve established topicality… Last night was $5 night at our local megaplex, and Racie has been dying to see Fifty Shades. I think Christian Grey is almost as believable a character as Bigfoot, but apparently this is the style of porn that the mommies are into these days, so I thought, hey, maybe I'll learn something - or at least I'll get to see some steamy sex on the big screen - so I obliged. Gawwwwd. The movie is OVER TWO HOURS long, and all the sex scenes (combined!) fill a total of about two minutes of that. No exaggeration: I think there's more screen time devoted to simulated piano playing than simulated sex. And then there is all the alleged BDSM stuff, which, despite all the hype it brought to the books (and therefore the movie), doesn't happen hardly at all, and when it does, it's extremely tame by BDSM standards. We’ve seen crazier shit than that at Paty’O. The rest of the movie is just boooooooring Harlequin Romance filler. Is the girl going to fall in love with the boy? Is the boy going to fall in love with the girl? Are they perfect for each other or not? Why is he so mysterious? (And how did he manage to succeed with zero personality?) How will this latest disagreement be resolved? WHEN will this latest disagreement be resolved? Plus, there's zero comic relief from any of this. No wacky best friend or wacky relatives to liven it up. (There's a best friend and some relatives, but they're not wacky). So there's my review. Not worth the money or the time. See it only if your SO’s or BFF’s insist, and then only if you can turn it into a drinking game: Take a shot every time someone gets in a car. Or a plane. Or a helicopter. Or a glider. Because billionaires, apparently, do a lot of that. (Maybe it's because they can't stand spending too much time in their palatial penthouses.) Oh, and Racie didn't like it either. So there’s that. You’re welcome. ~ Maxx
Maxx THANK YOU for some fuel to use if Jess starts pushing to watch that schlock. Also, you guys are definitely part of the Shitshow now, so start thinking about booking for 2016! Loved hanging out with you guys and the rest of the Idaho crew
Your review is spot on with one exception. Saw the movie with a friend and we got a terrible case of the giggles when Christian spouted this gem of a line..."I don't make love. I f*ck. Hard." Later that night, of course I couldn't help cracking up again when reciting the line to hubby ;-) Glad to know I'm not the only one who didn't really care for it. Rita
It's the least I can do to repay you for the gummy bears! Ha! At the airport on the way home, BJ was trying to get us all to commit to booking next year right then and there. We'll do our damnedest. Why would anyone NOT?
Well that kind of pisses me off. Not that I give two craps about this movie, but clearly my signature line has been stolen. "I don't make love. I f*ck. Hard". Must have met this author at a bar, or perhaps the grocery store once, and she took what I said and put it in her book. And now it made its way to the big screen. It be nice to get the money I am clearly owed, so I can get a sweet glider. (Seriously though, sorry you had to endure that pos. Guess it's time to give a serious spanking)
Oh, there was plenty of unintentional humor. Like it's not enough for Christian Grey to be a supermodel billionaire. Because, oh, he's also a philanthropist who wants to END WORLD HUNGER. And oh, he also flies his own helicopter. And oh, he's also a virtuoso piano player. And oh, he's also a ballroom dancer. And oh, despite rarely drinking, he can place a drink order better than anyone on the planet. I kept waiting to discover that he's also a black belt and an Olympic triathlete and a documentary filmmaker - and he can hang pictures straight ON THE VERY FIRST TRY.
I don't know about the movie but the book was so poorly written that I didn't make it half way through it before I tossed in on the pile. It was almost like the book had a stutter. I can't believe that an editor would have allowed that rag to go to print.
And yet the trilogy has sold A HUNDRED MILLION COPIES. True story. I just thought of something else: The episodes in the terrifying Red Room of Pain remind me of the torture scene in Monty Python's "Spanish Inquisition" sketch: So you think you are strong because you can survive THE SOFT CUSHIONS?! Well, we shall see! Put her in...THE COMFY CHAIR!!!
For anyone who really reads good sexy fiction (or who writes it like I do) the 50 shades books are so elementary and boring.... Stacia said she was so much more interested in the actual storyline than the sex, when she got to the phrase "she pushed her fingers into his hair" she would just turn forward 10 pages or so to figure out what in the actual story was going on.... Badly written sex scenes are just bad.
