I like how you put that Dennis. Very well said. Relating to the idea that cheating is not necessarily only the physical act........ my father always told me, "sometimes the cruelest lies are told in silence." Being someone who has been on the losing end of infidelity a few times, I am not the kind of person to give a second chance with that. I can forgive them but I can never trust them again. And once I cant trust someone, there cannot be a meaningful relationship.
No trust = no relationship plain and simple for me.......I would be unable to live with the doubt that would be constantly on my mind. For example..................... ..is he really working late? ..is he really out with the guys? ..is he really helping a buddy move? ..is he really at a clients? Those types of things would drive me to :beerdrink: :!:
Exactly Denise...no trust is the worst! Then you start to question everything and you end up feeling like you're the crazy one. Chances are, if you're feeling that way, you're right-they're cheating. I have all the trust in the world with my current boyfriend, oddly enough (having gone through the whole trust thing before)...and as soon as that's gone so is our relationship! I just don't ever see him lying or cheating though. And that, in my opinion is the foundation of a great relationship. Todd's sister actually is doing the same thing you did, Tonya! She divorced her husband just before the summer. He was cheating on her when he traveled. Had a whole other life with this woman. Once she found out, they separated, and divorced. The day after they divorced (Literally) they got back together! I can't say any of us were super enthused at first, some of the family is still not-but they're working on it. She seems to be very happy, and just last week got a huge 3k rock! Sooo, I guess it's different for everyone. I Don't know if I could do what she's doing, but as long as she is happy, that's all that matters & I hope it works out like you & Kevin! How about this as food for thought...you meet someone, and he's cheating on his wife or g/f...they divorce/break up and you end up in a relationship with this cheating & lying person. Would you ever trust them in YOUR relationship knowing they could do it in their previous relationship?
My family wasn't too happy about it at all either. Some still aren't (almost 4 years later) and won't even speak to us. Of course, that doesn't matter to me really. We have our own life, in a different state (they all live in Texas). I got a new ring too...I wore it at first, then it just brought back bad memories of why I had it...so it stayed in the jewelry box until just a few weeks ago when I resurrected it and started to wear it (its very pretty). I always wore our original ring...to me it wasn't 'tainted' :lol: But now I can look at the other ring and not get all hurt all over again. I'm past that. We are past that. Thank God. It isn't an easy road...building trust is VERY tough...and like Denise said, you wonder where they are all the time....and eventually you get past that...and it took me over 2 years to get past that. Now we joke around and when the phone rings and hangs up when we get to it...I laugh and say, "oh you didn't give your girlfriend your new work schedule??" and he usually responds "yeah, I need to tell her"....this goes both ways...he gets me on my 'boyfriend' all the time too. We joke about it now...thats just our personalities...but I know 'us' and know that we have become stronger through it all. I wish the best of luck to your sister. Ha, as to your 2nd point....I dont' think I could do it....not having been on the other side of that fence...I would NEVER want to be the 'mistress' or 'home wrecker'.
Yeah, it's tough because you know they're upset because they care. It's hard for them to trust someone to not hurt you again, especially when they're not living your life. I agree w/ your second point. I may have had a different opinion when I was younger, but now that I am older-I totally agree. I wouldn't want to hurt someone like that-but also, I don't think i'd trust him either. If he could do it to them, what is going to stop him from doing it to me?? I've seen it happen too, the person knows their mate is capable of cheating & lying, so it begins, checking the phone etc...no thanks!
Oh boy, big subject. So many variables. My answer will be in a general context, and is not meant to convey my feelings on every instance of infidelity in every relationships. There are too many possible reasons why someone would cheat. On some level it gives a person something (or appears to) that they want, whether that be a feeling of power or the reassurance that you are loved and wanted, or simply the thrill of the chase. Who knows. I think, if he cheated on YOU, then no, he probably won’t change Whatever the reason for the cheating, the bottom line is they don’t really love that person or were not happy with that person. If they find a person they truly love and respect, then yes, I do believe they can change. If you are with someone that has admitted to cheating in the past, it’s hard to face the fact that statistically speaking, there is a higher chance they would do the same to me. It definitely makes it a bit harder to build trust when your partner is guilty until proven innocent, however I don’t think it’s impossible. Time will build trust and as someone else said—if you’re thinking they’re cheating on you they probably are. Most of the time there ARE plenty of signs that say they are cheating and you really are just fooling yourself if you think this totally blind sided you. I would be more cautious with that type of relationship and I would be aware of signs but I’m certainly not going to write someone off because of their past. People are quick to judge these days but the reality is that everyone has wronged someone they love—whether by cheating or some other way. I would not want someone to instantly write me off based on a terrible mistake I may have made and I definitely think people deserve second chances. Just because you may see a situation as black and white does not make it so. It's always easy to say "I would NEVER do...." but the reality is, until you are faced with the exact same circumstances, you really do not know how you would react. It's not always wrong to have sex with someone outside of your relationship, IMO. In most cases, though, it's wrong if the person you cheated on counts it an unforgivable betrayal. It's wrong if you've been forgiven once before and you continue to do it, thus making a mockery of that person's love and trust. It's wrong if you have to continually deceive your partner in order to sustain an affair. It's also wrong if you allow yourself to cheat but would never be able to forgive someone cheating on you. It's NOT wrong, IMO, if the person you are with no longer makes any effort to keep you and still expects you to remain faithful. That, to me, is horribly selfish. It's not wrong if the person you love treats you like shit and you find yourself compelled to go elsewhere looking for affection and emotional sustenance. But then I'd question why you are with that person in the first place. Generally speaking though, I don’t know why anyone bothers with cheating, especially for an extended period of time- If you are that bored and unconcerned with the person you supposedly love, you should bite the bullet and leave! Take responsibility for yourself and do what you really want rather than trying to have your cake and eat it too. On a similar topic, what do you think about emotional cheating? That’s probably more common than people think (I’m guilty myself) but can be just as damaging and hurtful to a relationship.
