Asking a small favor. I know you all will join me in this noble effort...... There are only a few months until election day when the people will decide who will be the next President of the United States. The person elected will be the President of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans. It's time that we all need to come together, Democrats and Republicans alike, in a bi-partisan effort for America. If you support Mitt Romney, please drive with your headlights ON during the day. If you support Barack Obama, please drive with your headlights OFF at night. Together, we can make it happen. Thank you!
GEOMETRIC LOGIC The wonder of it All 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. 6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF. THE AMAZING CONCLUSION: The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. Therefore we must conclude that there must be a ton of people in Washington playing marbles! ... by the way unless you have a new optical mouse, the old Microsoft mouse has a marble sized ball in it. ... fun fact: American mouse balls are larger than European mouse balls... something to do with metrics. ... what are you holding in your cupped hand? The less I know about that the better.
THE WOMAN POEM: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart, and strong. One who loves to listen long. One who thinks before he speaks.. One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's rich and self-employed, And when I spend, won't be annoyed. Pull out my chair and hold my hand. Massage my feet and help me stand. Oh, send a king to make me queen. A man who loves to cook and clean. I pray this man will love no other. And relish visits with my mother. THE MAN POEM: I pray for a deaf-mute gymnastic nymphomaniac With big tits who owns a bar on a golf course, And loves to send me fishing and drinking. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me." Adam Said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?" God said, "Go down into that valley." Adam said, "What's a valley?" God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river." Adam said, "What's a river?" God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill....." Adam said, "What is a hill?" So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave." Adam said, 'What's a cave?' After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman." Adam said, "What's a woman?' So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce." Adam said, "How do I do that?" God first said (under His breath), "Geez....." And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well. So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back. God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?" And Adam said.... * * (YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!!!!!!) * * * * * "What's a headache?"
Had a little problem at the grocery store today. Apparently, when the cashier said " strip down, facing me " - - she was talking about my debit card. :doh:
The Dreaded Call: My boss phoned me today. He said, "Is everything okay at the office?" I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped." "Can you do me a favor?" he asked. I said, "Of course, what is it?" Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the foursome behind you."
Gotta be a sign for this comng weekend!!!i https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=V0O0nzkESTI#!
I failed the mandatory Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today. One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "Fuckin' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer!!
