FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE: 1. Money cannot buy happiness but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemy but remember the idiots name. 3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Many people are alive only because its illegal to shoot them. 5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk. :flash::flash:
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. 'You talk?' he asks. 'Yep,' the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?' The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.' 'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.' The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. 'Ten dollars,' the guy says. 'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?' "Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."
> > My daughter just walked into the living room and said "Dad, cancel my > allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of > the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my > laptop. Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash > Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me > and throw me out of the house”. Then disown me and never talk to me > again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my > share to my brother. > > > > > > > > Well, she didn't put it quite like that... she actually said... > > > > > "Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohammed."
