We'll start looking for deals after our Halloween TTR trip. Prob tue (10th) to tue (17th) or wed (11th) to wed (18th) since those days have usually been the cheapest arrival / departure dates.
FINALLY — A great alternative to body scanners at airports . . . . The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners at the airports. It’s a booth you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you. They see this as a win-win for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It also would eliminate the costs of a long and expensive trial. Justice would be swift. Case closed! You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system . . . "Attention standby passengers — we now have a seat available on flight number 1234. Shalom!" Hats off to the Israelis!!!!
Mothers In Group Therapy A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom, Ann. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name Penny." He turned to the third mom, Kathy. "Your obsession is with alcohol. This, too, shows itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother, Joyce, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Lets pick Willy up from school and go home."
Crap Woody, you the man. the joke man. LMAO!!!!!!!! Keep em coming buddy love a good laugh. April's getting closer everyday.
Treatment For Sunburn A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative and a Viagra pill every four hours. The nurse, who was rather astounded asked, What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor? The doctor replied, It won't do anything for his condition, but it’ll keep the sheets off his legs.
[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, "Harry, I have a plan to win back Middle America in 2012!" [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]"Great Nancy , but how?" asked Harry. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]"We'll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most middle Americans wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador Retriever. Then, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there." [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Ennis , Montana [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar. The Bartender Wally took a step back and said, "Hey! Aren't you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?" "Yes we are!" said Nancy , "And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local color." [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]A few minutes later, a grizzled old farmer came in, walked up to theLabrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old farmer. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar. For the next hour, another dozen farmers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left shaking their heads. Finally, Nancy asked, "Why did all those old farmers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?" "Lord no," said the bartender. "Someone's out there running around town, claiming there's a Labrador retriever in here with two assholes!" [/FONT]
No one can sum it up better than Trump! Let me get this straight . . . We're going to be "gifted" with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don't, Which purportedly covers at least ten million more people, without adding a single new doctor, but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents, written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that didn't read it but exempted themselves from it, and signed by a President who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, for which we'll be taxed for four years before any benefits take effect, by a government which has already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's broke!!!! 'What the hell could possibly go wrong?'
.ExternalClass div { } A man in a Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce . The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, 'Some assholewants to buy half a head of lettuce.' As he finished his sentence, heturned to & find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'And thisgentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.' The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you gotyourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on theirfeet here. Where are you from, son?' ' Canada , sir,' the boy replied. 'Well, why did you leave Canada ?' the manager asked. The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there.' 'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Canada .' 'No shit?' replied the boy. 'Who'd she play for?'
