TRUE STORY - 2 DUCK HUNTERS IN WISCONSIN ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT. It could only happen in America as Larry the cable guy would say. A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 with monthly payments of $560.00. He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin . It's mid-winter..............and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR They decide they want to make a natural looking open water area for the ducks to focus on, something for the decoys to float on. Now...................making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce. So..........................out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Our two Rocket Scientists....................afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust,they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible. Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG...? Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it......................The dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse......................... just as it hits the ice. The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane!!!!!! The dog takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator. The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dog's rear end....................... he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master. Then KA BOOOOOOOOOOOOM! The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with 'I can't believe this just happened' looks on their faces. The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments. The dog is okay....doing fine. And to think you thought all Rednecks lived in the South.......
As Daylight Savings Time ends, I stopped in to visit my dyslexic friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "Fool! You're supposed to turn your clock back!"
POLK COUNTY FLORIDA SHERIFF, GRADY JUDD An illegal alien, in Polk County , Florida , who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop, ended up "executing" the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed. A state-wide manhunt ensued. The murderer was found hiding in a wooded area. As soon as he took a shot at the SWAT team, officers opened fire on him. They hit the guy 68 times. Naturally, the liberal media went nuts and asked why they had to shoot the poor, undocumented immigrant 68 times. Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel: "Because that's all the ammunition we had." Now, is that just about the all-time greatest answer or what! The Coroner also reported that the illegal alien died of natural causes. When asked by a reporter how that could be, since there were 68 bullet wounds in his body, he simply replied: (BEST QUOTE of 2009) . . . "When you are shot 68 times you are naturally gonna die." Now that, our friends, is common sense...........
It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Center. Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want each of you to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. A hundred pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until, suddenly, the chain broke; it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "SHIT!" said the hypnotist. It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Center. Claude was never invited back
So last May was my first trip to Temptation. Wow, what a blast I had. Minus my party pooper girlfriends I brought. This year I will be going either by my self or with a different friend. One who knows how to have fun!! I am going in April. You guys seem like a lot of fun! Although I will be sad that I wont see all the wonderful people I met from the May group. Havent booked yet but will soon enough. See you guys around the week of the 9th!! Cant wait!
