Is your Niagara Falls fling still happening Woody? What are the final numbers? Julie and I may come down on the Saturday. I work friday so 1 day will have to do. I can squeeze 2 days of partying into 1 day though i'm sure.
Yup, It's still happening. Aug. 20th - 22nd. I haven't taken a recent count but it looks like 14 -16 people so far, maybe more. Send me your e-mail addy to vetter79@rochester.rr.com, just in case I don't have it, ok?
An Amish Farmer riding his carriage near his field notices a man drinking from his pond with his hand. The Amish Farmer shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuehe und die Schweine haben darein geschissen!" Which means: " Don 't drink the water, the cows and the pigs have shit in it!" The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, Infidel!" The Amish Farmer shouts back in English: Use two hands, you'll get more!"
HELGA'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP DEAR DIARY - DAY 1 All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this "all-girls" trip. ----------------------------------------------------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 2 Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man. -------------------------------------------------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 3 At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.. ---------------------------------------------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 4 Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband. ----------------------------------------------------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 5 Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship. I was shocked.. -------------------------------------------------------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 6 Today I saved 1600 lives. Twice
Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard-- I'll let you go." The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely i can't look that old. well . . . You'll love this one. my name is alice , and i was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. i noticed his dds diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly, i remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then? upon seeing him, however, i quickly discarded any such thought. this balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. after he examined my teeth, i asked him if he had attended morgan park high school . 'yes. Yes, i did. I'm a mustang,' he gleamed with pride. when did you graduate?' i asked. he answered, 'in 1975. Why do you ask?' 'you were in my class!', i exclaimed. he looked at me closely. then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled faced, fat-assed, gray-haired, decrepit, son-of-a-bitch asked, 'what did you teach?'
At Chelsea's wedding, Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom so She asked Chelsea ... "have you had sex with Marc?" Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad"
