>Top Four Adult Jokes > >Fourth Place: > >A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, >his elbow goes into her breast. >They are both quite startled. > > >The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your >breast, >I know you'll forgive me." >She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221." > > > > >----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >Third Place : > > > > > >One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his >wife's arm. > > > > >The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist >appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." > > > > >The husband, rejected, turns over. > > > > >A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. > > > > >"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?" > > > > >------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >Runner Up: > > > > > >Bill worked in a pickle factory. >He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day >to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. >He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. >His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but >Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion >on his own. > > > > > >One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once >that something was seriously wrong. > > > > >"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. > > > > >"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my >penis into the pickle slicer?" > > > > >"Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed. > > > > >"Yes, I did." he replied. > >"My God, Bill, what happened?" > >"I got fired." >"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" > > > > >"Oh...she got fired too." >----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >Winner: > > > > > >A couple had been married for 50 years. > > > > >They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, >"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table >together." > > > > >"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a >jaybird fifty years ago." > > > > >"Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times." > > > > >Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. > > > > >"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples >are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." > > > > >"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. > > > > >"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal." >
Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.... but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..." The girl looked at him, and then said, "NO." Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, You bend down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend.... So she called him and explained the situation her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepted the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his Girlfriend’s call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened? Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all quarters! Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in it entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.
