Hey Cliffy: Ah, what the hell do I know anyway, being in the Northern Midwest. Talk to me about a blizzard, and I can fill you in. It was a spirited guess, right? NORM By the way, since we're on the subject of Norm, here's a bunch of favorite Normisms ... What's doing, Norm? "Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig." What's up, Norm? "My nipples. It's freezing out there." What's shaking, Norm? "All four cheeks & a couple of chins." What's new, Norm? "Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer." What'd you like, Normie? "A reason to live. Give me another beer." What'll you have, Normie? "Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of the tap." Looks like beer, Norm. "Call me Mister Lucky." Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you? "Like a baby treats a diaper What's the story, Mr. Peterson? "The Bobbsey Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending." Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you. "I know, if she calls, I'm not here." What's going on, Mr. Peterson? "A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'" "Whatcha up to, Norm?" "My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall." How's it going, Mr. Peterson?" "Poor." I'm sorry to hear that. "No, I mean pour." How's life treating you, Norm? "Like it caught me sleeping with its wife." "Women. Can't live with 'em.... pass the beer nuts." What's going down, Normie? "My butt cheeks on that bar stool." Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson? "Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty." How's it going, Mr. Peterson? "It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear." What's the story, Norm? "Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer." Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson? "A little early, isn't it, Woody?" For a beer? "No, for stupid questions." What's the story, Norm? "Thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it." What's new, Norm? "Most of my wife." Beer, Norm? "Naah, I'd probably just drink it." What's doing, Norm? "Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig." Can I draw you a beer, Norm? "No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one." How about a beer, Norm? "Hey I'm high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life." How's a beer sound, Norm? "I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in." Beer, Normie? "Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week. Eh, why not, I'm still young." Norm comes in with an attractive woman. Normie, Normie, could this be Vera? "With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe." What would you say to a nice beer, Normie? "Going down?"
Coach: What's up, Norm? Norm: Corners of my mouth, Coach.? Coach: What's up, Normie? Norm: The temperature under my collar, Coach. Coach: What's up, Norm? Norm: Everything that's supposed to be. Coach: What'll it be, Normie? Norm: Just the usual Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel. Coach: What would you say to a beer, Normie? Norm: Daddy wuvs you. Sam: What do you say, Norm? Norm: Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer. Sam: What do you say to a beer, Normie? Norm: Hiya, sailor. New in town? Norm: -coming in from the rain- Evening, everybody. All: Norm! (Norman!) Sam: Still pouring, Norm? Norm: That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing. Sam: What's the good word, Norm? Norm: Plop, plop, fizz, fizz. Sam: Oh no, not the Hungry Heifer... Norm: Yeah, yeah, yeah... Sam: One heartburn cocktail coming up. Sam: Whaddya say, Norm? Norm: Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes. Woody: What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson? Norm: Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer. Norm: Hey, everybody. All: -silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich- Norm: -carries on both sides of the conversation himself- Norm! (Norman.) How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson? Rich and thirsty. Pour me a beer. Norm: Hey, everybody. Woody: Norm! -nobody else in the bar says anything- Norm: That's it, I'm leaving. Norm: -comes in, pretending to be Joe Average customer, as part of operation Wayne Down the Dwain- Customer: Norm! Norm: -quietly- Not now! Woody: Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson? Norm: No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass. Sam: How's life treating you? Norm: It's not, Sammy, but you can! Sam: Beer, Norm? Norm: Have I gotten that predictable? Good. Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose? Norm: Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh? Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson? Norm: Another layer for the winter, Wood. "How's life in the fast lane?" "Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp." "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson." "Alright, but stop me at one.... make that one-thirty." "How about a beer, Norm?" "That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!" "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?" "The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson. A beer please, Woody."
