This post is just me ranting and venting so feel free to ignore it. ---------------------- Not trying to start any infighting here.. this is not a hate thread, and don't try to turn this into a immigration debate about the US please... I'm just trying to get an idea from anyone who has perhaps married a Mexican, is a Mexican themselves, or just knows more about the culture than I, what their feelings are on the question. "Is being ungrateful part of the Mexican culture?" Basically I've been feeling used and unappreciated lately by one of my long time Mexican friends here in Cancun... the biggest friction point is a car. Now, before anyone says anything, I know, I know, "sharing a car" is a bad idea, but it seemed like it wouldn't be a problem at the time and now I would feel bad about un-sharing it especially since he has an elderly parent that benefits from his having access to a car. Now, he pays little to nothing to help maintain it aside from the gas he uses even though he drives it more than me, whenever little things break I tend to them even though they wouldn't have been broken had the car stayed parked, and of' course being your standard issue macho Mexican nothing is ever "his fault" (there must be little car fairies in Cancun who break things and scratch cars when no one is looking ). So I feel like I maintain this thing FOR HIM since I might take it to the store every 3 days at most and he generally takes it several times a day. The thing is whenever I have the audacity to mention something I wish he wouldn't do or question him about how some little thing got broken he'll get immediately defensive and asinine about it, as if I'm the bad guy and this is where I start to feel used and abused.. never a "thankyou" for letting me use the car and never a "I'll take care of it" has been uttered from his mouth... I can do without that, but the way he acts like I'm being unreasonable and in the wrong when I dare say something is what gets me upset.. as if I'm obligated to provide and maintain a car for him and I should keep my mouth shut when I notice something... I just get the distinct feeling that he really doesn't realize how much I go out of my way to accommodate him sometimes. So I just want to know if maybe its a cultural thing that I just haven't figured out or if it's just him being a total ass... I know the macho thing is a factor since Mexican guys never want to accept any responsibility for anything or be indebted to anyone... so I'm thinking this might just be a cultural difference I'm running into... and not something I should let bother me. At this point the best thing I can think of is to encourage him to get his own car and hopefully once he's invested a considerable amount of money and time in his own wheels he'll understand where I'm coming from... but in the meantime this is just something that's a real irritant to me.. /rant
Life this can be an awkward situation all right especially if he's someone who you count as a friend It was indeed generous of you to offer someone else the unlimited free use of your car (aside from buying gas occasionally)- for an indefinite period- with no limitations on use and no responsibility for upkeep of any kind including no responsibility for any damage incurred while the car was in his possession I suppose this is not truly a "Mexican" issue- rather just a situation in which you were probably much too generous to begin with- and have continued to be- even after it became painful
Thanks V, had a feeling you might be the first to respond lol... yes the question is now how to get out of it without damaging the friendship that I've maintained for more than 7 years... I'd rather not torch the car... :icon_mrgreen: I think convincing him to get his own car is the best bet but that of' course isn't something that will happen overnight... what's incredible to me is, I think, he truly thinks, the way he behaves is right and correct and I'm the one being difficult... he's also the type that wouldn't respond well if I tried to spelled it out for him, and any attempt at that would likely just result in an explosion, which I why I'm just going to quietly stew about it while I sharpen my machete......
I don't think this behavior is a Mexican thing, I think people everywhere can and have behaved this way. There are always givers and takers. We dealt with somthing like that ourselves, and the fellow that took advantage was Canadian.. no longer a friend. Just stock it up as live and learn.. We have help many people out somtimes it worked out and other times it bit us in the ass.
This is not a Mexican thing. Its more of a worldwide thing. People sometimes make claims to do things and then decide this is not for them and rather face you and tell you that this arrangement cannot work, they just ignore the arrangement figuring at some point you will figure this out for yourself. This is more of a behavior problem for lack of decency on the part of some people to face their own problems. Nothing more or less then that.
Thanks for the replies gang.. yes, I agree that it's probably not so much a cultural thing but more of a personal fault that I'll just have to tolerate if I want to keep him as a friend. My upbringing taught me to respect other peoples things and that if you take something you're 100% responsible for it no matter what happens, but clearly that's not a universal teaching as I might have assumed. As V said.. I was too generous at the start and now its come back to cause aggravation and tension...
We were brought up the same, if you borrow somthing give it back in the same condition... if you break it fix it or replace it... However not everyone feels or believes the same.
