1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always begins tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a find dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail. 3. If you don't have a sense of humor you probably have no sense at all. 4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs. 5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. 6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? 7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. 8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks? 9. Stroke a cat and you will have a permanent job. 10. No one has more driving ambition than a teenage boy who wants to buy a car. 11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity. 12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM...for example, it could be the right number. 13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when they are winning. 14. I've reached the age where happy hour is a nap. 15. Be careful about reading the fine print - there is no way you are going to like it. 16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everyone has the same size bucket. 17. Do you realize that in about 40 years we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with sagging tattoos? 18. Money can't buy happiness but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than a Ford. 19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead. 20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind and the ones that mind don't matter. 21. And most importantly, politicians are like diapers. Both need to be changed often and for the same reason.
"8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?" Hahaha, this is so so true. Hurts to realize that you've aged just as much as the rest of them.
