Hedo Review July 2019

I know this is the CANCUN forum, but I used to be very curious about Hedonism 2 in Jamaica and maybe others on this board are as well.

First off, a little background: my husband & I are a very vanilla couple, married 25+ years and we love Temptation and Desire; these are the spots where we can let loose our vanilla inhibitions and have sexy, flirty fun. We are not swingers but we have the most fun at places where swingers hang out. We had been to Temptation and Desire about 10 times total and we felt like going to Hedo was a bucket list thing. We had heard so much about Hedo here and there, but mainly the positive TripAdvisor reviews.

We visited Hedo for one week this past July. Quick summary: fun, sexy, resort with great food, but I wouldn't do it again.

There was a good, sexy daytime vibe and sometimes at night, but ONLY WHEN THERE WAS A GROUP THERE. I don't usually post in all caps, but I really need to emphasize this. We were there for 6 days and the resort was only fun during the 3 days groups were there. On our 4th day, when the two groups had all left, the resort was quiet and somewhat boring. I had read reviews about going with groups, but as this was our first time, I did not want to "commit" to joining a group, even if it meant minimal involvement or participation. With that said, if you are a newbie and thinking of venturing to Hedo, I'd highly recommend finding a group. We were there at the same time as two groups: Young Swingers and AWOL ("another week of lunacy") We spoke with members of both groups and everyone was friendly and open. Not a single person tried to come on to us or made us feel unwelcome.

There were a lot of little things about Hedo that I liked:

• No time share. None at all. Zip. They offered us a tour of the resort and that's all it was: just a tour given by one of the entertainment staff guys. They do not even have a timeshare program. They do have a club where the more you book, the more free nights you earn. They did not push this at all; I only found out from a small, barely noticeable brochure I found in my room.
• No tipping. They mean it: no tipping. You order a drink, you take it and you walk away and that's that. You *can* tip, and we did a few times, but it has to be discrete (e.g. we tipped our waiter and had to do it via secret handshake) The exception is when we had the room cleaned and we left $5 but we left it with a very clear note that it was for the housekeeper. At the resort, we hardly tipped anyone at all and that was a refreshing change from Cancun.
• Hedo has these small, personalized plaques (mostly painted rocks) that are kind of like "Joe was here" themed, but more like "Scott + Anna 5/31/16 xxx" with a painting of a couple having sex. These are all over the resort and it gives it a "homey" feel. I guess if you are a repeat customer, it'd be nice to see your painted rock still there after so many years. There are also nice, homey touches like sexy personalized license plates that people bring in from around the US. Guests also plaster stickers/decals in a lot of areas (like the bar posts or on the box with the fire extinguisher) So it's a little tacky, but a little cute, maybe depending on how you look at it. I couldn't imagine something like that in a classy place like Desire.
• Hedo has coolers filled with ice and bottled water scattered throughout the resort. It was very hot the week we were there (more on this later) and I can't tell you what a delight it was to just be able to grab an ice cold bottle of water or two anytime we wanted. There are a few at the beach and we noticed one by the courtyard.
• Random pools: I don't recall exactly how many, but Hedo has a couple of pools scattered throughout. We didn't think to take a dip in them until our second to last day. As I mentioned, it was very hot that week and it was very refreshing to just take a dip in the pool after dining in the hot, stuffy restaurant.
• The beach (nude side) was beautiful. Clear waters and very little/no seaweed. Lots of chairs, lots of beach towels that you just take; no need to sign them out or anything. By the rocks, you can see little crabs scamper around. In the shallow waters, you can see all kinds of fish swimming around your feet.
• The main pool (nude side) was OK. Sometimes there was entertainment. One day there was a guy who looked and sounded like Eminem and he did rap verses based on themes people shouted out.
• Restaurants needed no reservations and men did not have to wear long pants at all. We mostly ate at the buffet for all 3 meals, but we did have hibachi one night and the food was terrific (the chef did not do any of the typical hibachi tricks like lighting the table on fire or making the onion volcano or juggling the spatulas, etc)
• The food was very good. One night had free grilled lobster (the grill is outside the buffet, so don't miss it!) They also had jerk chicken, curry chicken, braised beef ribs, roasted duck and a lot of good choices. Lots of vegetarian options as well.

OK, there were also many things we did not like:

• Not enough air-conditioning. It felt like 90°F practically the whole week, day and night. The buffet was always hot. Hot, hot, hot. I sat sweating through all my meals there. I had a dinner napkin, but all I did with it was wipe up my sweat. Sweat through breakfast, sweat through lunch and then sweat through dinner. After dinner, the shows take place in the same area, so you remain seated and watch. So you sweat during that as well. There are ceiling fans and the restaurant is an open layout (no walls basically) but there were hardly any breezes so it just felt very hot and humid every time we were there. The buffet is connected to the hotel lobby which is also very hot. No air conditioning there, either. This was why I mentioned how nice the scattered pools were: it was such a relief to just throw off your clothes and jump into the pools. (Our room had very good air-conditioning, by the way, so that was also a relief)
• Poor, disorganized night life. We were used to the ultra-sexy theme nights at Temptation and Desire. What fun! Especially at PatyO's which then became Bash. So much fun and excitement. Well at Hedo, there was none of that. There were theme nights, and we did dress up, but it seemed there was nothing going on. Like,we'd dress up in leather and lingerie, as did other guests one night. We sat at dinner and watched the show and then...nothing...nothing happened after. We were given a printout of the daily/nightly schedule and this printout SAID there were nightly events, but we never saw anything. Guests just kind of went their own way. There were exceptions to this: the foam party (which was a disappointment in itself, more on that later), the one night we found people at the disco (again, disappointing) and the two nights the groups had their own fun shenanigans that even non-members could enjoy. But basically, each night, guests would dress up appropriately, sit and have dinner and watch the show in costume, then go their own separate ways. We went to bed before midnight every night because we just couldn't find the "party"
• Foam party: at Temptation and Desire, the foam party is held in the daytime, in the swimming pool. There are beach balls, floaties, dancing girls, dance music, bar service...just a big adult frat party in the water. At Hedo the foam party is held at night, so it's very dark (yeah they have spotlights but still) and it's in a large, inflatable pool with no water. So people just stood in the big empty pool and foam poured in. Eventually music started playing and as the pool filled with more and more people, it got wilder but still... it didn't look inviting so many guests just watched from a distance. Plus, when you exited, you exited in dry air, so there was no pool water to "rinse" off the foam. We saw guest after guest walking back to their rooms covered in foam.
• Disco: the printout with the activities seemed to say the disco would be open every night at 10pm. One night we went shortly after 10pm and no one was there. Lights were flashing and music was playing but not a soul was there. Another night we went, and there were people there, however it was mostly single guys and the music was almost all Cardi B. I mean, I like Cardi B's music but not for 30 minutes straight. While people were there that night, no one really was dancing so we left.
• Play rooms: We were told there were 2 play rooms, however we only saw one. (We didn't go looking for them, but we did walk around the resort a lot) So this playroom is relatively far from the rest of the resort. It's at the end of the courtyard, near the tennis courts. We took a peek inside on our first night and no one was inside and we didn't see much of the inside anyway. On other nights, we walked by the playroom and didn't really see anyone going in or out. I don't know why this room is so far away; it seems like an inconvenience to get there really. (At Desire, the playrooms are right by the disco so it's easy in, easy out, so to speak)
• Rude/indifferent staff: Some of the waiters and waitresses were very friendly and helpful, but only a few of them. Some were indifferent, and acted like the guests were an inconvenience. Most of the bartenders were like this. Many of them avoided eye contact or pretended not to notice guests standing in front of them. Another thing was often a group of workers would congregate and have a loud conversation, often in Patois. One afternoon, my husband was sitting at the beach, trying to close his eyes and enjoy the relaxing sounds of the waves. A group of 5 or 6 workers stood not too far away and had a very loud conversation in Patois, full of belly laughs and knee slapping. This went on for more than 30 minutes so I don't know why they just didn't go to an employee lounge to have this conversation or something.
• Entertainment was so-so: On the nights there were dancers, it was great: very entertaining and impressive. But some nights just had a live band or a solo singer and that got a bit boring. Also again, it was very warm while we watched so that was uncomfortable. I can't imagine how hot the performers felt with the bright lights and all.
• Housekeeping: We only got housekeeping done on one day. Most of the days, we kept the room fairly tidy ourselves. But one day, we decided we needed new towels and just have the room straightened up. We left a $5US tip, a tin of Godiva chocolates (I had read that candy is a good treat to give) and a thank you note. One thing I like to do at any hotel is not leave the bed unkempt, meaning I make the bed, but I don't make it spic and span like the cleaning people do. Well we left for the morning and when we returned: they did not make the bed (it was left the way I had left it) and they did not give us new soap or shampoo. They did replace the towels and take out the trash. I went down to the desk the next day to complain (not really complain, but mention that hey, why no soap or shampoo and why wasn't the bed remade?) and the lady at the desk did not even care. All she said was "Well, are you having the room cleaned today?" Not even an apology or acknowledgement.
• A weird thing that happened at lunch once: My husband and I were sitting at a table in the buffet. One of the younger entertainers named Damion asked if he could sit with us. This was a little weird because we hadn't spoken with him or interacted with him prior to this moment. But we said, sure, there's plenty of room, grab a chair. He sat down, but said he wasn't hungry. So he just sat there, drinking Pepsi. But the weirdest thing was that he wouldn't talk! He just sat there, not saying anything. He didn't ask us where we were from, if this was our first time, if we were having fun... nothing! This got awkward real quick and I couldn't stand it. I felt I had to come up with something to say to fill up the empty void. I made small talk by asking him questions: How long have you worked here? What do you like to do when you're not here? What's the craziest thing you've seen here? I didn't intend to be an interviewer but it felt so uncomfortable with him saying nothing. (I want to add that when we've been to Cancun, it wasn't unusual for one of the entertainment staff to ask to sit and eat with us. These experiences have always been pleasant, with light chit chat. They ask us how long we've been married, how did we find the resort, where we come from... and we'd ask them where they're from, how long they've worked here, what their hobbies are... It's all small talk that makes meal and conversation friendly and pleasant. Not so in Jamaica!) He eventually got up and left but we still don't know why he sat with us to begin with.
• At the end of our stay, we were asked to fill in a questionnaire. This was done with pen and paper. The desk agent told me to make sure I mentioned she gave me good service. Oh gee. Why not just edit the paper yourself after I turn it in? It's 2019 and they don't have an electronic questionnaire? The questionnaire did not leave a lot of room for comments.

Other things to mention:

• The resort is about 90-120 minutes away from Montego Bay airport. We used a private service, Rocky's He charged $70 each way, but it's $73.50 if you don't pay via cash. This is a little ridiculous when you're booking online, from the US, because how are you going to get cash to him? He provides his cell number. This was good because he failed to email me the day before my departure so I could know what time to expect him. He ignored 2 of my texts (he said he was on the road) but finally took my call and we worked it all out.
• As many reviewers have said, the nude side is wayyyyy better than the prude side. When we first got to the resort, we thought we'd play it safe and ease in to the whole nudity thing by starting with lunch at the prude side. Big mistake. The lunch area was empty, the beach wasn't as nice and the pool was empty. We thought, wow, this is depressing. But we made our way to the nude side and it was much better from there. If you've never been at a nude resort, don't sweat it. It might feel weird for a few seconds, but once all the clothes are off, and everyone else has their clothes off, it becomes a non-issue. You will see all kinds of body types and no one really cares either way.
• PDAs (public displays of affection, aka sex) We saw sex acts in the nude pool and in the ocean waters. Amazing how "normal" it seems to just see strangers give oral sex to each other. It was one lady's birthday so she was giving out BJs - how interesting. I did not see any orgies or gang-bangs or anything nonconsensual.
• There was a meet-and-greet at the prude beach one morning. It started too late, and went on for too long. We were all hot and sweaty and getting tired of the games we had to play. My husband and I sneaked off after about 90 minutes.
• There's a gift shop with all sorts of adult toys but convenience items as well, like sunscreen, pain relievers, tampons, etc. They have a large selection of sunscreens and each cost about $12US to $22US roughly.
• It's a nice walk along the beach. You have to go through a security gate. Just past the security gate is a large collection of conch shells. Next door is Sandals. Sandals is a huge resort and it's perfect for taking photos for your vanilla friends and family. Beyond that is another resort, Azul.
• The beach at Hedo did not have many vendors like we've seen at Cancun. However, they don't sell scarves or hats or cigars like in Mexico. These guys sell weed, weed brownies, ecstasy and who knows what else. They are open about it as it is legal to possess in small quantities, I guess. One of the vendors, "Shell Boy" is very entertaining. I wish I could take a video of him!
• The cleaning solution they use at Hedo smells awful. At first I thought it was vomit, but no, it just smells like vomit.
• Cell phone use is discouraged at the nude area. I was using my phone to check email at the nude beach and security told me to put the phone away. However, on another day, I saw several people at the same area using iPads, Kindles, etc... don't those have cameras as well?
• Wi-fi was very good at Hedo. I had seen reviews that it wasn't good but we had good signal all throughout, even at the beach. Multiple devices OK. To save money on international roaming, we put our phones on airplane mode and used the resort wifi for communication (WhatsApp, etc) If we did not do this, Verizon would charge us $10US per day to use talk/text and data via their international roaming plan.
• Our room (on the nude side) was nice. Good air-conditioning, large shower with good pressure and hot water. Bed was comfy. Room comes with an electronic safe and a mini-fridge. Only water is stocked in the fridge. Lots of American TV channels and several porn channels. On the night before we left, we got a call on our hotel phone from the front desk to confirm. The sound of the phone was odd and surprised us.
• The printout with the events/activities listed often wasn't clear: "Jamaica Jamboree", "Island Interlude", "Trench Town Rock pool party", "We Be Jammin' Island Escape" - what are these things? Who can tell?
• Be sure to check out the fire show that's held on the prude beach. We saw it on a Monday night and it was great. Guys who eat fire, dance with fire, twirl batons with fire...
• Arriving at Montego Bay airport was not too bad. They did not stamp our passports upon entry. Other passengers noticed this as well. The ladies' rooms inside the airport had very long lines, but the ladies' room right outside the airport (where the taxi guys stand) had no wait at all.
• Departing from Montego Bay airport is a mess. There is a long, long line that snakes around, but with zero velvet ropes or anything to indicate where the line separates. It is in a very narrow hallway and the queue snakes 3 or 4 lines deep. Also, people with Club Mobay access get to cut this line so they are making their way through this mass of people as well. If you want, look into Club Mobay as this will make this process a lot easier. We did not (it's $30US per person) but I can see how some people would benefit.

Overall, we had a fun time, and saw a lot of crazy things. While the beach and food were excellent, they do not outweigh the many faults we found with Hedo. We were glad we went so we could cross it off our bucket list, but we will not be back.

Photos... enjoy!

WELCOME DRINKS IN THE LOBBY




BEACH (lovely)













PLANT LIFE








SANDALS: WHERE YOU'LL TAKE YOUR SELFIES TO SHOW YOUR KIDS




YOU'VE HEARD OF BODEGA CAT - HEDO HAS BUFFET CAT





EVENTS/ACTIVITIES PRINTOUT

 

Thanks for writing this up.

We’ve been curious but never enough to try it. Seems like we are not going based on this and a few other reviews we’ve seen.

We’ve found a good thing at TTR & Desire and travel to Hedo is not an easy travel day for us from Vancouver Canada.

 

Have you been to Hedo, Steve?

The biggest takeaway for anyone who has Hedo on their bucket list is make sure you research which groups will be there when you want to go. It is the difference between a non-stop party and a "where is everyone"? kind of night. I would never go in the summer. Then again, I wouldn't go to Cancun then either.

Whether or not a person agrees about the miles behind TTR statement would really depend on what that person prioritizes.

I never noticed a vomit smell while I was there. LOL.

 

Fair enough. Lucky you to live so close to your favourite place! And just so you know, I wasn't asking to be confrontational or anything, I was genuinely curious if your opinion was based on experience.

I guess I'm the odd one out who goes on a Caribbean vacation in part for the beach.

Just out of curiousity... you don't mind PDAs/nudity on your famous Cruise? Just like to have it limited to a time and place? I'm going to try it out some time, sounds like a blast.

 

I forget to go to this area sometimes, but glad I did. Thank you for taking the time to write the entertaining and helpful review.

We talk and think about going other places, and this was one of them, I just can't see that happening. Everything would just be like "this is better at TTR", and from the review that seems to be the case.

Thanks again!!!

 

Roger that!

Thanks for your honest and eloquent reply.

 

That's Steve, always so eloquent