Newbie Trip Report - 7/31-08/05

Tony was just asking me tonight when our next trip should be.

 

We are possibly going back in March.

 

Thanks for the interesting report, looking forward to more

 

Day 3 or as I like to call it... The blur

Woke up around 730 to my dear bird friends. Same routine, I get ready, wake up my husband, head down for breakfast. This morning we actually saw the omelette bar. I don't know how we ever missed it the first morning. That woman who works the omelette bar is a beast! She rocked that omelette bar and it was so good. Finally a good breakfast. Headed to the pool, found our crew of people, and drinks just started flowing. Then shots came into the picture. The more I drank, the more I started to drift away talking to strangers. My poor husband was apparently constantly asking where I was. Kelly and chad said I would just wave and say that I was going to mingle.

I wandered over in the pool that is closest to the buffet and met a group of fun woman partying it up. They decided to sign up for the slip and slide flip cup competition or whatever the hell it was called. Obviously I had to join in this also. My husband finally found me and signed up as well. I haven't been on one since I was 12 and even then I never could go down them correctly. Alcohol courage is all it takes. In my drunken state I imagined how swift and smooth I would fly down the slip and slide. Ha! That certainly didn't happen. I took off running, slipped and fell on my ass and then banged the back of my head in the ground and then slid. I can't believe I didn't knock myself out. I think my ass took the grunt of the fall. Well I definitely know it did. My poor ass bone hurt for the next couple days. But I didn't feel it until the next morning. About a day or two later my husband told me about the massive bruise covering about half my ass. It has been a week since this damn slip and slide adventure and the bruise is still there. Never never again. When I got to the bottom I chugged the disgusting warm beer and I was told since I spilled a little I had to drink another one. Yeah that didn't help my drunkenness at all. We of course lost. What happened next I don't remember at all but I somehow ended up playing volleyball on the beach with our group. I never ever play volleyball mostly because I am terrible, but it is amazing how confident you get with a bit of booze. The great thing about our game was that if you screwed up, you could flash and get another turn. I probably should have just played naked at that point as much as I flashed. I was however a good cheerleader trying to get everyone pumped up.

After volleyball I headed back over to the pool to find my husband and my mug of alcohol. I think I got distracted meeting people because the next day I had a lot more friends that I didn't remember ever talking to. My husband finally found me. He was wearing his OSU hat and of course started getting shit from a Michigan fan. At one point in time they were screaming at each other in the pool. I think 50% of the people in the pool might have been a little worried a fight was about to ensue and the other 50% could see the guys laughing as they were yelling shit to each other. My husband lost his voice that day.

We were supposed to meet Harrison Cathy Kelly and Chad at dinner that evening at like 6 for the Italian restaurant. From what I hear this is like a 2 hour dinner, delicious, and the sexy coffee is a must. Kelly came in the pool twice telling me to go get ready. I finally listened and we headed back to the room. When we got to the top of the steps, my husband rolled his ankle. I had no idea until later. I guess he was rolling around on the bed in pain while I hopped in the shower. I guess we got partially ready and passed out because we suddenly woke up a couple hours later. Missed dinner. I felt so bad both because I missed dinner. Harrison left a message but our phone never rang. I would suggest checking the ringer because apparently ours was left off and we didn't realize it. One piece of advice: do not forget to eat lunch. That was probably our downfall for the day.

After getting ready we went to the Italian restaurant or see if they could get us in. My husband had been wearing nice slacks for dinner but he totally forgot that night and showed up with shorts and flip flops. The Italian restaurant were able to get us in after a 20 minutes of waiting and nobody said anything about his attire. From what I hear they have relaxed a bit on the dress code. The dinner was very good but we were so hungry from eating all day we ate so fast and had no interest in staying around enjoying the place. Lesson learned: don't get messed up during the day if you are eating at Italian restaurant that night.

That nights theme was sheer night. We changed and headed to PatyOs. There was hardly anyone there so we decided to go check out nice shoes and see if we could still get in to watch the "anything goes" show. We were just in time. Our team won the competition that night. It was so funny and it helped that we are all competitive and willing to make a full of ourselves. JJ (who is amazing) was hosting the game. One of the objectives was to show off a human body trick. I had just finished nursing my daughter the week before so leaving all inhibitions at the door, I sprayed milk across the stage at JJ. I think he was quite in shock. He remembered me the rest of our stay because of that. We got extra points for that one. I will say it is amazing the stuff you will do at this place. I think as soon as you arrive at the resort you just say: screw it. That night same as the others, drinking and dancing and burgers. I did meet an awesome couple Amy and Jason (mr. Inappropriate) finally remembered . I kept forgetting so I called him mr. irresponsible. Amy you are definitely a dancing queen with lots of glitter My husband dipped out early that night. Thank you Kelly and Chad for getting me back to my room.

Day 4:
Up early again, showers, omelettes, pool, drinks, shots, drinks, shots. The games at the pool are so funny. We wish they would do more. They do however need to get rid of the dumb movie theme music game. Way too hard to do and a little boring after a while. Let me just take the time to apologize to anyone at the pool that day. We were the group that kept throwing our hands up yelling woohoo!!!! I am sure that had to get annoying after a while but we were just having to much fun and the more we did that the more people we had come join our group. We also met Miles and his wife. He kept bring shot after shot after shot. We ran into Amy and Jason and all of the couples decided it was game time in one of the tubs at the pool. Yes we were that loud group having a kick ass time. They were closing the sexy pool so we all went over to the sports pool. We were all starving but when you are wet at night, even though you cover up, you are not permitted in Mexican restaurant. We ended up at the buffet. Ugh.

That night was uniform night. I had a sexy sailor uniform while my husband was a hot dog vender. There weren't a whole lot of people dressed up. The OH-IO. Group were all dressed up and looked like they were having a great time. Mr Scotland had his kilt on. Of course Jamie and I had to pull it up to make sure he wasn't cheating with underwear on. He wasn't. We decided he need some spankings. We both got him good. It was only fair to let him retaliate. He got my ass good. I felt that one for some time. Thank you mr. Scotland. My husband and I went to check out the sports pool but it was way too full that night so we ended up going back to the room.

Day 5: Boobs Cruise day

We felt a little rough that morning. We had to force food down that morning. I almost wanted to cancel going on the Boobs Cruise. But after all the hype I knew I couldn't miss it. We talked Kelly and chad on going on it again even though they had just been on it a few days before. We were glad to have at least two people we knew on there with us.

Tops come off almost immediately. I was so used to taking mine off at the pool by this point that I didn't even care and took it right off. We absolutely had the best time. I can only describe it as one wild party. There are some crazy stuff the go on. You have the choice of how crazy you want to get. We stayed at the top part of the boat. It gave us room to move, dance, and watch everything. Lunch is pretty good on the island. The ocean felt amazing especially on such a hard day. Chino and Omar did such a great job getting the party started. I only had one issue on the cruise. While skinny dipping in the ocean I found the current to be a little rough and I was to worn out to stay in the water fighting against it. I got back on the boat and I was still naked. I was going to put my bottoms on and some nasty asshole decided to walk by and slide his hand across me. Just because i don't have bottoms on doesn't give you a right to cop a feel. I was so pissed and felt very violated. It definitely changed the tone of the cruise on the way back. It sucks to have one jerk ruin shit. Despite that incident we would do the Boobs Cruise again and I would recommend it as a must if you have never gone.

Once we got back we again started to party at the pool. Woohooing and all. Same ole same ole. After cleaning up we met Kelly and chad for dinner at Bellavista. This time I got seafood and the meal was much better. The theme that night was rockstar night. I just went for it with thigh high boots faux leather corset and skirt. We went to karaoke at nice shoes. Amy and my husband both sang their songs and both rocked it out. It was a fun time. Then over to PatyOs for the live band. They weren't really playing good dancing music. They finally picked things up and I think I was the only one dancing for a while. I was trying to get people up and dancing but everyone looked beat. I think boobs cruise days are always rough at night. More dancing then swimming then bed.

Final day:

This day sucked. Not because we were leaving but because the week caught up with me and I felt like shit. We tried to eat breakfast and took it easy. We went to the quiet pool for a bit just to relax. That was our first time there and it was nice to just kind of take it easy somewhere. We had lunch at the Mexican restaurant, backed our bags and then left around 1:45. The saddest part is when they cut off your bracelets. Our second flight back we had to fly through storms. My husband hates to fly so this was an agonizing hour for him. And now we are back to reality cooking and cleaning for ourselves, back to responsibility, and back to watching Disney channel instead of the only two channels Temptation has.

Some last little notes:

The beds suck. No ifs and or buts about. They are soooo firm. I thing this is one of the reasons I had such a hard time sleeping later (and the birds). I don't know if the hotel has toppers. I think if they don't we might buy one at Walmart when we get down there. My husband joked that if a bed sucks somewhere then you don't go back. Here we are figuring out how we can fix the bed because we had so much fun we want to go back.

Don't worry about any insecurities you have. You will not even notice them while you are at the resort. Everyone is so nice and welcoming. I kept reading about this but still didn't believe that I would feel okay at the pool. It is so hard to describe the atmosphere and attitudes. You just have to go.

I would say when it comes to the theme nights maybe 20% dress for them if that. I know that I was worried about being one of the lonely ones. When I put on my theme outfit my husband didn't want to leave the room. It made me feel good and by the time we made it to PatyOs I didn't give a shit if I was the only one. I had a blast dressing up so I say do it. Where else are you going to be able to go all out and not be judged?

There are single guys at the resort and the majority of them are respectful. Unfortunately there are a few douchebags. Just walk away from them. You get them no matter if you are at the resort or at a bar in your hometown.

We didn't try the Asian restaurant. We want to make sure we do that next time. And we also want to get the full experience at the Italian place. Take your time, make reservations, and try all the restaurants.

Take naps everyday. We also think that you should have one day half way through where you just take it easy and don't party too hard. I think next time we want to get a room with the jacuzzi on the patio. We think we would get use out of it and it would be a good reason to take an easy day off.

Thank you to everyone we met even if I didn't mention you in the report. You made the vacation awesome and we are already thinking about when to go again next year.

Sorry this was so long!

These are the only pictures we took. We kept forgetting our phone in the room. I know boring. And I am fully aware that I have resting bitch face. In my head I have the biggest smile. We are looking for a cure but haven't found one yet.



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Great report and a sexy lady

 

Great report. Glad you had a blast.

 

Got some pics I need to send to you... Send me a message with your email!

 

Sad to hear you say the food sucks we are going in a month and I have been reading these to be on the know and I was hoping the food was better than what we had while in Jamaica

 

The food isn't all bad. It just isn't fantastic. You will be having so much fun you won't even care. I have yet to hear anyone say they came here for the food. The Italian restaurant is good though.

 

Is the Italian always a very long meal? Not sure I have the patience for that.