A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.' The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!' The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!' Lemon Squeeze There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.' The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.' The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.' The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?' The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.' Catholic Dog Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?' Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.' Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?' Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic? Donation Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?' 'It is!' 'This is the IRS. Can you help us?' 'I can!' 'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?' 'I do!' 'Is he a member of your congregation?' 'He is!' 'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?' 'He will.' Confession An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.' Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?' Man: 'What sins?' Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?' Man: 'I'm Jewish.' Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?' Man: 'I'm 92 years old .. . . . I'm telling everybody!' Brothel Trip An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. 'I'm 90 years old,' he says. '90?' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?' 'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?' Senility An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.' Pest Control A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. 'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.. 'Who are you?' he asked him. 'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator. 'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked. 'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied. 'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!' Marriage Humor Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing . . . ? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.' ------------------------------- Wife : 'Do you want dinner?' Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?' Wife: 'Yes or no.' -------------------------------------------------------- Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.' Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.' Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.' ------------------------------ Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.' Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.' Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.' ________________________________ A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?' 'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!' ------------------------------------------------------------ A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!' Husbands are husbands A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied ,'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week,Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again. Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned' Let us pray...................... Give me a sense of humor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk
April Roll Call Update Updated to post #1274 Mar 8 Any posts after this will be added onto the next updated roll call. RobandDiana March 22 - April 5 Rob & Beth March 24 - April 3 F&E12013 March 25 - April 5 carribean March 27 - April 3 Danny&Jenny March 28 - April 6 ag82 March 29 - April 2 Sarah&Steve March 29 - April 4 samifer6969 March 29 - April 5 fitzher March 30 - April 3 Robin&Steve March 30 - April 7 C&E March 30 - April 8 vacationfun2 March 31 - April 8 SandyT April 1 - 8 Joe&Simone April 2 - 7 lmcjdw April 3 - 10 featherclit April 3 - 10 Dippin April 3 Neil_Jo April 3 - 12 Wayne & Sara April 3 - 13 Jimcyn April 3 - 13 SteveandTerri22 April 3 - 13 bigjay April 3 - 17 Canadian Dos Equis fan April 3 - 25 worthy&dyeisha April 4 - 7 spinone April 4 - 9 uncle_ghemmy April 4 - 11 Daewoo220 April 4 - 11 FirmandSuz April 4 - 11 SouthsoundFun April 4 - 12 WetNMild April 4 - 13 Gaspereau April 4 - 14 Tom&Heidi April 4 - 14 Amanda & Chris April 4 - 14 MrandMrsHotWife April 5 - 9 pam & barry April 5 - 10 baja_beeyatch April 5 - 10 GnT April 5 - 11 RayAndKat April 5 - 12 waterdog1 April 4 - 13 Naughty Newfies April 5 - 15 OregonRebel April 6? - 12? Tweb April 6? - 12? BobnKim-WI April 6 - 13 Slopoke3 April 6 - 13 here4fun April 6 - 13 DerekandKelsey April 6 - 15 mishaandi April 7 - 13 Capncog April 7 - 14 crn&dln April 7 - 14 AnneDave April 7 - 15 WRIGHTSTUFF April 8 - 11 latincanucks April 8 - 15 swingcurl April 8 - 15 lskn97 April 8 - 15 Shedoesntwearpanties April 8 - 15 TheDudeAbides April 8 - 16 kimandkorri April 8 - 16 nasterblaster April 8 - 16 Tvillcouple April 8 - 16 Jess_2703 April 8 - 18 3hotNYCerRNs April 9 - 13 dk&lin April 9 - 14 canoecpl April 9 - 16 fit4funcpl1 April 9 - 16 freakygeek April 9 - 16 Traveling Solo April 9 - 16 BrittanyV83 April 9 - 16 cleavers April 9 - 19 IkenBeans April 9 - 19 L&E April 9 - 20 DVR63 April 10 - 14 nodak48 April 10 - 16 tandaforu April 10 - 17 Kaptrvl April 10 - 17 acsnoracer April 10 - 18 GANDM April 7 - 17 Sal0118 April 10 - 19 Tc123123 April 10 - 20 Kim&Keith April 11 - 12 Barry&Angela April 11 - 16 BethnJared April 11 - 17 bigsexy&misssexy2012 April 11 - 19 cnparda April 12 - 19 Griffrhys / Sam and Robin April 12 - 19 Jdbartender April 12 - 19 anna April 12 - 19 delmel41 April 12 - 19 Headstone April 12 - 19 S&S of MD April 12 - 20 gdoug41 April 10 - 18 Glenn/Monique April 12 - 24 glenn/monique April 12 - 24 Looking25309 April 13 - 20 SoCalBeachLovers April 13 - 20 solsticeSassy April 13 - 20 bemond11 April 13 - 23 P&KL April 13 - 23 T&C2014 April 14 - 21 KoloheCouple April 14 - 21 SandEjax April 15 - 21 B and T April 15 - 24 dnagroupride April 15 - 29 nathnvince April 16 - 20 wild1s April 16 - 22 upsexy April 16 - 23 Ed & Susan April 16 - 25 Alan & Katie April 16 - 25 Red Bull April 16 - 27 BNK April 16 - 29 The Simpsons April 16 - 29 suedave April 16 - 30 tucker100 April 17 - 24 Houstongaycpl April 17 - 21 dktelectric April 17 - 24 rblhrt April 17 - 24 Mark & Heidi April 17 - 25 Van & Bernie April 17 - 27 halifaxdan April 17 - 27 Donald April 17 - 28 teddyjam11 April 18 - 25 Jersey6 April 18 - 25 bomiester April 18 - 25 Kurtney April 18 - 25 waskeer April 18 - 26 Twocute April 18 - 27 vdeb April 18 - 27 Countrygirl369 April 19 - ? PaulAndDarcy April 19 - 25 W8ing4thesunND April 19 - 25 Newfie_girl_64 April 19 - 26 PaulAndDarcy April 19 - 26 Mommabear April 19 - 26 debb&will April 19 - 26 Fredmgill April 19 - 26 christy&brad April 19 - 26 mike&susan April 19 - 27 Chet April 19 - 27 phunincanada April 19 - 27 jim&foxxxy April 19 - 27 Ali & Andrew April 19 - 28 Sexystatgirl April 19 - 28 NekkidSundays April 19 - 29 kinkybabe1109 April 19 - May 3 Partydollgirl April 19 - May 3 meanestkitty April 20 - 24 Jersey Devil Josh April 20 - 25 Sil-n-Lee April 20 - 26 CajunBo22 April 20 - 26 Joel & Paula April 20 - 26 toesinwaterassinsand April 20 - 26 CajunBo22 April 20 - 26 Curlessmom3 April 20 - 26 RedSkiBums April 20 - 27 krissyandtravis April 20 - 27 beauvick April 20 - 30 jeff & deb April 20 - May 4 centrocpl April 21 - 26 funPAcouple April 21 - 29 DandP April 21 - 30 adamnterri April 21 - May 1 2fromNH April 21 - May 3 charon1oar April 22 - 25 camps23 April 22 - 27 Wayne & Mel April 22 - 28 Bunz_n_Boots April 22 - 29 voandwater April 22 - 30 The Woodman April 22 - May 1 ScoobyDan April 22 - May 1 backs13 April 22 - May 1 dzess April 22 - May 1 Sam&Brianna April 22 - May 1 Zaz April 22 - May 1 rohano April 22 - May 2 C&BStLouis April 23 - 27 beach<3R April 23 - 27 Jcfun3 April 23 - 27 Doug&Val April 23 - May 2 Tempted Kitty April 23 - May 3 Beachbelle April 23 - May 3 Caligirl69 April 23 - May 3 KenNJoyce April 23 - 30 permagrin67 April 23 - 30 Yummmyxxx April 23 - 30 KenNJoyce April 23 - 30 gymgirl2008 April 23 - 30 Deniseandmark April 23 - May 2 Dikfore & NormaSnockers April 23? - May 3 Retinyl April 23 - May 3 Donald April 24 - 28 rikmari April 24 - 30 aragincajun April 24 - May 1 patty032752 April 24 - May 1 Bare April 24 - May 1 Dave and Judy April 24 - May 1 cfc61 April 24 - May 8 JDandNat April 24 - May 1 USTWO April 24 - May 2 Ryanursem5114 April 25 - 29 ricwhit April 25 - 30 Jillykin April 25 - May 1 two4funb April 25 - May 1 HeavyandKimTexas April 25 - May 2 digdeep April 25 - May 2 pepper April 25 - May 2 hcdry April 25 - May 2 digdeep April 25 - May 2 BrettLorie April 25 - May 3 vodkatonic April 25 - May 3 Dave&Jenn April 25 - May 4 SharonTerry April 25 - May 9 workoutbuds April 26 - May 3 kylenamaris April 26 - May 4 curtisndawn April 26 - May 4 ScottyDog April 26 - May 6 Bamafans April 27 - May 3 Pat & Michelle April 27 - May 3 peemoney April 27 - May 4 kylenamaris April 27 - May 4 kevinp4960 April 27 - May 12 Brewman April 28 - May 5 BigTANDBigMomma April 28 - May 5 deb3667 April 28 - May 4 Day/Joni Rogers April 28 - May 4 DEEREMAN April 29 - May 4 Naturally April 29 - May 6 Tom&Lisa April 29 - May 10 Alex1987 April 29 - May 13 *** Updated to post #1274 Mar 8 Any posts after this will be added onto the next updated roll call.
Deposits for the cruise on 8th April are now open. Please see the link below for full details of the day and how to reserve your space: http://www.cancuncare.com/forum/tem...-boobs-cruise-tues-8th-april-provisional.html Deposits for Friday April 11th will open on Tuesday 11th March around lunch time CST.
MARRY? Why why You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. __________ At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' 'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.' _________ A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: 'Husband Wanted'. Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' __________ When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. __________ A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished __________ A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?' Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.' __________ A young son asked, 'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?' Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.' __________ Then there was a woman who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.' __________ Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. __________ If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep. __________ Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. __________ First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!' Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive..' __________ 'A Woman's Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death' __________ AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!! Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.' The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'
36 hours 1 day 11 hours and 26 min and 30 days )))))) Here we go 2 Envoyé de mon iPhone à l'aide de Tapatalk
bumped iF you get bumped on the 19th we can squeeze you in!!! been there done thAt THANKS JIM (CAROL AND TONY HAVE DIBS!!)
