A man, a chicken, and how Keith "Broke out of his shell"

Like any good story this one has a beginning, a middle and an end. To tell the whole story you have to start at the end, jump back to the beginning and then to the middle, moving forwards, backwards, sideways, down and up all at once...

So I'm back and finally have a bit of time to start writing a trip report! Thank you to everyone who helped me have a truly wild and memorable (the parts that I can remember) time!

The End:

First to get the bad taste out my mouth, the end. Sunday morning as I was packing I got a call from Angi and Carrie, who had been waiting patiently along with Rob in the lobby to see me off. they thought I was leaving at 8:30 but really I was leaving at 9:30 to venture back to Calgary and my real life. I sullenly finished packing and made my way to the desk to check out, the walk of shame is something that I never get used to. Even after doing it 13 times now. Why did this have to end? During the goodbyes I get a sneak hug from behind by Stephanie, who now is in custody of everyones favorite chicken (www.facebook.com/JimTheChicken) more on him later. Everything afterwards can only bring sadness so we shall skip the uneventful journey across North America to my apartment in Calgary...

The Beginning:

Early February 2013, sitting inside of a wellsite geology shack at a drilling site northeast of Fort McMurray, Alberta. Getting tired already of seeing the ass end of a drilling rig, my mind wanders to dreams of Cancun and more importantly, Temptation Resort. Sure I have been there 12 times before, gotta make use of the membership you see! I send an email to the premier folks asking how much a trip of fairly long length would cost (may as well get my money worth for the flights I am looking at). Soon I have a quote and an itinerary set up. Let's book this thing for April 21st to May 10th! that's 19 days!

Somewhere in the middle (day unimportant):

I wake up about 10am, look outside and see a new crowd out at the Sexy pool than the 2 days previous. I feel sad that so many friends are gone. After having a shot of Baileys that Ali left behind I decide that it's time to get up and see who the new people are.

Back to day 1:

I arrive! My flight actually lands a bit early, I get in my shuttle head to the resort and check in. It's about 3:30 pm and I have room 3301. These stairs are going to be a pain but let's face it I won't spend that much time in the room...

I look out to the sexy pool standing on the balcony, a Dos Equis in hand. I spy Carol, Glenn, Monique, Karen and several others! Quickly, I put on my trunks and head downstairs. Here we go! The weather is great, the booze is free flowing and time starts to lose meaning.

Over the course of the night and next few days, I see lots of old friends, including Bruce and Kim, who bring out the guitar for a few poolside concerts, Jeff and Deb, as well as Delicious, Kat, Charlene, Patty etc. etc.

Fast forward to April 23rd, the first of two planned (but 4 total Boobs Cruises). On the boat we see Steve and Janet as well as new cruise members Dario and Chuy, who by the way have their own spastic funny personalities and are as good as Chinos and Omar in their own unique ways. This may shock you but I drank quite a bit that day, but I did make it out at night. Being the shy guy I am I of course did not partake in the skinny dipping. Highlight of the day was Glenn getting Karen for the second cruise in a row with an iced water bath during lunch. Sorry for helping distract you Karen! Also got to know Claire from England (aka Anastasia) who made Temptation her first all inclusive trip. She tells me that she had a blast. It may take a few years but we may see her again at some point!

It was a day or two later that Rob showed up as well as some crazy people from Boston (Mike and company) Duane, Jenni, Juicy, Rhi Anna, Robin, Steve... (you get the idea).

Poor Robin was told one night in Paty O's that her outfit consisting of pasties as a top wasn't acceptable. Long story short by the next night management had apologized the pasties were back on and the aforementioned security guard was reassigned. If you saw her outfits you would be in agreement that this was entirely appropriate!

Near this point in the trip (maybe before or after really it's not important) Donald passed off to me a poor wandering chicken which he had grown fond of. In honour of our buddy Backs13 who couldn't make the trip I decided that his name should be Jim. He's been there, what? 2 months now? since it was up to me to keep him safe and in trouble I decide not only will I carry him around with me (mostly at night) but I will create a facebook page for him. This is a great idea that I had at about 3am with a bunch of pictures of him in PG and not so PG situations! Have I mentioned www.facebook.com/JimTheChicken yet? Great site, go there for all of his antics!

One night Jim and I are out and Rob says the Rowdy Girls are here, but they seem not so rowdy yet... Well time to fix that. The Rowdy girls are 6 professional mid 20's ladies from England (half from Steve's hometown no less) who came to Cancun when their boyfriends went off to Vegas. Obviously Cancun won out! Soon we are drinking copious amounts of booze and Rowdy Girl Beth is enthralled by ordering pink pussy shots.

Over the next few days the Rowdy Girls get rowdier. Including one fateful day by the sexy pool that begins this trips occasional streak of nudity from me. They wanted to play a game of tequila Jenga (run by the lovely Paloma) but wanted me to play as well. At this point in time I know full well that these games come with a price for the loser. Often disrobing or doing something stupid... Well I have Rowdy Girls Beth and Charlotte after me in the game, both making puppy dog eyes asking me to topple the tower for them so they don't have to take the punishment. Obviously this won't work on me. I know better!

So I knock over the tower. My punishment is to run around the pool yelling that I'm horny. All of a sudden these sweet, innocent looking Rowdy Girls turn on me. Now they are chanting for me to do this naked. Of course I won't succumb to peer pressure.

Now I'm naked with a washcloth to preserve my dignity... I jog around the pool yelling I'm horny as per instructions and I get back, only to see that Kat has my trunks in her hand. She proceeds to lead me around the pool for a second time before allowing me to save the guests the sight of me naked for too long!

Moving ahead a couple nights, I am in Paty O's talking with Kim and Bruce and notice a flash of lightning... I wander out to the Sexy Pool to watch the light show. then the North half of Isla Mujeres disappears from view, then the south half. This is going to be a downpour! I could warn the others, but no. Eventually I run back to Paty O's when the rain comes down sideways, what a storm. On arrival I see that some people have gone inside to stay dry, but many others (including the yours truly, Rob, the Boston folks, the Rowdy Girls) stay outside and dance in the rain for the next two hours! It is a blast!

The next day (or was it more after?) I head off into town with Bruce, Kim, Jeff and Deb for an afternoon at Margarittaville. Kim eventually got annoyed that when I'd go outside with Jeff and Deb for a smoke that we would find funny chairs to have pictures in or poses on. Other stops included Senor Frogs and Bubba Gump.

Then we come the Boobs Cruise of the 30th. Another great day, but bittersweet as its Steve's sendoff to England to get treatment for some lingering issues. However by the smile on his face at the end of the day we can tell he had a blast!

Around this time Tiffany and Hannah show up, so Rob and I go to supper with them at the Italian restraint. The highlight of that dinner was Hannah walking through the fountain inside the restraint to get to the washroom. She also told us every 5 minutes that she was going to go to bed. Just a little bit of a first day curse!

The next night was lingere night, where I meet Maya and Crystal, who I end up hanging out with for the next few days. Apparently I came out of my shell more... Gotta thank the awesome Angry Birds underwear I had on and a timely dip in the sports pool at about 1 am.

The next day we find out that poor Crystal slept outside of her room for a couple of hours wrapped in a sheet from the day beds by the sports pool. Oh how I wish we had a picture of that!

Soon the crowd starts changing, Delicious, Kat, Kim, Bruce, Jeff, Deb and more head home. But more and more people just keep coming in! I even saw the Rowdy Girls off, You would think that they were being sent to a Gulag in Siberia, they were heartbroken to leave!

Over the next few days, I was talked into my first massage in the spa. Long story short, very very interesting and that is all I will say to protect the innocent .

Then comes May 5th. I wasn't booked on the Boobs Cruise but it always pays to show up just in case. I made my way to the dock and who else but Chinos is on the boat. Yes, he's still as crazy and spastic as ever! In the afternoon I am not only convinced by Chinos to skinny dip but some beads that Jim the Chicken had earned were coaxed by a very lovely blonde lady into her possession. Makes for an interesting day indeed!

All of a sudden I am in striking distance of having to go home. Less than 5 days! A day of shopping at market 28 was in order! Off I go with Maya, Crystal and Rob. All of us spend a few bucks on trinkets and I find of all things a Saskatchewan Roughrider poncho! This may be the coolest trinket I have ever found there!

The next night (or was it that night?) I head off to Dady O's with Maya and Crystal. I am being commended for my outstanding dance moves quite often. Soon Maya and I realize that we have to keep a keen eye on Crystal. She starts to wander off and hug guys at random. At one point the ladies head off to the washroom, leaving me dancing alone (still awesome moves!). Maya then comes down and says we need to go, poor Crystal may have had too much booze...

So we load her into a cab and we merrily make our way back to Temptation. We only have to pull over once as it appears Crystal may have an acute case of Russian overnight flu. It is to such a point that we help Crystal back to her room using one of the handy dandy wheelchairs which the hotel has on site.

Miraculously the next morning Crystal is up and at em by 10 am. I should note that these two ladies are nurses and came prepared for virtually any emergency! Sadly we had to send off Maya and Crystal the morning of the 8th, Maya is already talking about coming down again. I shall endeavour to make sure that happens!

Come the night of May 7th (or 8th really who cares the date?) I realize that I don't want to come back home on the 10th. So I look to see how much it would cost me to extend my trip until the 12th. Oh look a flight change is only $100!!! I change the flight (no room arranged yet, it'll work out right?) Did I mention I did this at about 4am while quite drunk?

Come the 8th I get a knock on my door at about 4pm by Angibaby who says to get my ass to the pool... Remember I had stayed up all night changing my flight and seeing off Maya and Crystal at about 9am. Yes I slept most of the day.

That night I make my way to Senor Frogs with Rob, Angi and her friend Carrie. I had been toying with the idea of getting a tattoo. But for now it's party time.

So I'm upstairs and wander into the tattoo room. Lots of people have exceptional tattoos. I admire those who get the full arm band but I figure I'd get something that says "Keith"

Or "Hello My Name is Keith".

20 minutes later I am back downstairs at Senor Frogs with a fresh Hello "My name is Keith" tattoo on my arm! It's small no one in the office would ever see it and it gets some good laughs as an icebreaker!

So going into Friday I have a room set up for Saturday but not Friday. Fortunately Angi and Carrie graciously offer to let me room with them for a night. Friday morning I pack up and move the bags over and head off to see everyone onto Fridays Boobs Cruise which is looking like a winner, too bad I can't get on this one as it's booked solid!

Of course this is the 10th. The day I was supposed to go home. So I figure I'll get up come see everyone off and go through some of the pictures I have taken (up to about 800 now). Then come to the beach bar in time to see everyone. I meet some great people that came over from Desire for the cruise, including the legends Rob and Tonya! As they head off I decide to head to the point on the beach near the boat to take pictures and wave everyone off for the morning, Chicken in hand. Oh look Chinos is on the boat again, they're going to have a great time.

Then Chinos saw me. He decides that I should not be sitting at the resort (which will be quiet today) and makes an offer to me. Get naked, swim to the boat and come on the cruise for free. Well I had a quiet morning planned, and have a bag in hand which has my passport, wallet, tablet etc. Surely I can't drop everything and go! Oh look a kind Samaritan offers to take my stuff to the boat so I can go.

So I'm naked again.

I swim to the boat and climb on. My reward is the big pitcher full of beer to drink all day. I end up getting naked twice more this day, skinny dipping and Whipped Cream serving tray. Crazy day indeed! I make sure to tip the guys what I would have spent on the cruise anyways. It made for a wild day indeed! That night is the only one where I feel the ground move even after we get back! And thank you again to Carrie and Angi for not kicking me out of the room for snoring that night. Apparently I may have sleep apnea lol!

Come Saturday morning I check into my new room just behind the beach volleyball court. I officially hand Jim off to Stephanie and Don who are now running the hot new facebook page (www.facebook.com/JimTheChicken) on site since I had to come back to reality. I had actually met Stephanie and her cousin a couple weeks earlier. She was surprised to see me get off the boat on Friday as I was supposed to be already gone.

Friday and Saturday night I meet so many of the May crew. Jamie, Boston Mel, and so many more. I wish I had more time to get to know all of you! Maybe going ahead I'll add more time in May to see how crazy this crowd can be!

Saturday was sad to see Joe and Paula from New York go home. they were a great couple who had a blast. Joe put his firefighter training to test on Wednesday night when he helped a poor guy who busted his head open in the pool late at night by diving in get his head wrapped up. Poor bastard had only been there 3 hours...

Then we come back to the end...

For all of those who I missed, I'm truly sorry! But I just couldn't put everything down. There are things which should be kept quiet, and that's not always a bad thing

Until next time folks. May it come sooner than we think!

 

you my friend are the legend!!!

rob/t

 

It was great meeting you guys! My liver is almost back to normal but damned still wish I was there!

 

Keith my friend, that was a great trip report! Lol. Seems like you had a great time with lots of great people!

 

Fantastic report!

-Shawna

 

Great! great! trip report Keith.. but dont think for a minute that you will be going in May.. you are an April Addict and its staying that way.

 

Looks like I need more vacation time lol

 

Fantastic Trip Review!

 

What a great trip report!! Cannot wait to meet Jim when we get there. Oh the tales he could tell!!! :icon_eek:
Debbie

 

It was awsome seeing you and I am glad we got to party with you for 3.5 days anyways. Sorry I missed the naked swim. lol So glad you had fun. Are you coming in september. We are head back the 30th to Sept 9th or something like that....see you on facebook.