Big Sexy Trip report

All right party people, here comes part one of the trip report. I'll try to get part two written and posted tomorrow. I have put up any pictures rated NC 17 or less in the April folder, but it is only open to those connected to me. If you were tattooed, and you think there was a picture taken, I may not have posted it without your permission, but will either send it to you or post it with your green light. Conversely, if there is a picture you would like removed, please let me know. I could go through and list all the people who we had a blast partying with (TWeb, Kristie and Travis, Laurie (mother of my love children) and Mike, Big X and his misses Amanda, her sister Jen (Miss Sexy’s new sister wife…lol) Brendan and Angie, team toga who all were in it to win it, the one British person, other than Steve, I met without a pissed attitude Claire (except that one day, lol). Mark and Amber, Fema and Natasha, L & E, Roadstar Steve - who brainstormed with me, all the regular December crew and returning key players from last April (Jen, Mike, Eric, Jane, Brian, His misses who is stalking me (I saw you looking in the windows Alicia.. LOL) of course Delicious, Dan and MJ who rescued us from wicked hangovers when we wandered by at 6am on their first day, and so so many more), and all the other Newbies and new to April-bies. There are truly too many to name individually, but it seemed every time I turned around I was hearing "your big sexy, aren’t you", so I guess my profile, not just my pant size, is growing... lol. There are many reasons why we all come to Temptation, but it is always all about the people. I love you all, well at least those who love me too…LOL


So, I had to wait for the level of alcohol in my body to dip below 50%, and the effects of what I have dubbed the completely legal "Columbus Speedball effect" (more about that later in part two) to subside. I'm not sure we are quite there yet, but I think it is still time while all the details are fresh and well preserved in my pickled mind.
We were most recently at the resort in December of 2012, and had a great time. It was a shorter trip, thus we didn’t have the full range of theme nights to take advantage of. As soon as we returned home from that trip we began scoping out the April dates. Once the conversations started we settled on 4/13-4/21 as that seemed to get us the best cross-section of April Addicts and newbies that we are accustomed to. Over the next three months the level of anticipation built and built, until finally 4/12 had arrived. Miss Sexy and I always do dinner and a movie the night before a trip, and we did so for this one as well. We got home around 11, and she went straight to bed to get her rest before the trip. I was amped up, and spent some time in my office, initially planned to be "before bed". Well, I finally hit the sack at 2 am, and was up to head to the airport at 4am. We were a little later getting to the airport, but were on the plane and headed to Miami right away. We were actually in Miami in time for the 925 to Cancun, But American refused to put us on that plane despite seats being open. (on a side note, I recommend not flying American Airlines if you can help it, there were at least a dozen folks who had serious delays or other issues with the AA flights) we poked around the Miami airport, had breakfast, etc., and were finally on the plane headed to Miami, or so we thought. there were storms that delayed us a couple hours, so we ended up arriving in Cancun around 3pm. We collected our bags, and found the USA transfer team. We waited for a while, and heard a couple next to us have a conversation, and I was promptly asked “you are Big Sexy, aren’t you”. They were Tiffany and Butch, TWeb, and ended up on their way shortly. And so it began.
We got to the resort, got our room right away, and got changed into our swim suits. We got to the pool towards the latter half of the pool party, and it did not disappoint. We hung with the first day / last day folks, and partied it up. First night was red night; we did dinner in the buffet, and proceeded to raise hell at paty o for a while. Miss sexy lasted until about 3am, and I hit the sack around 6am for a couple hours after ensuring I was the last man standing for night one.
Day two we got an earlier start to the day at the pool, and brought out the first of the toys we brought – the 4 liter shot tower. This contraption holds four liters of whatever you choose to add. It was a whole lotta wet pussy for day two, and was a helluva party at the pool. I also busted out the gallon sized bubba mug. We again did dinner in Buffet, and then again moved on to Paty-O. Let the games begin, and this was destined to be another all-nighter. Miss sexy hung in for a while, and then proceeded to grab us a couple cheeseburgers and call it a night. There was some dancing involved, a whole lotta purple shit, and I think the pictures tell the tale.
Day three began a little later, as two days going hardcore was wearing a little on me, and I needed to have my batteries recharged for the Boobs Cruise come Wednesday. It was a quieter day around the pool, as many of us were either suffering the first day curse, or the effects of the shot machine (which would continue,lol). We lounged around the pool, kept feeding drinks and such out and pounding them back. It was white dress shirt night at Paty O, and thanks to all the ladies for the great participation in it. We stayed till around 2 (an early night) and hit the sack for the Boobs Cruise.
Day four was the Boobs Cruise. We got in and got our several cans of AIWC aboard. On the ride over it felt like we were filming for the perfect storm, with some chop on the boat. Fortunately no one elected to go snorkeling. We had enough drinks to sink the Irish Navy, cruised the channel on the island, and finally arrived for the games and lunch. I was reasonably well pickled by this point, so I began the process of tagging (I had a series of Irish and US flag tattoo’s. one intrepid cruiser reminded me of proper application, and we applied the tags to the twenty selected victims. We finished the games, reboarded the boat, and headed to the town for shopping. (On a side note here I have been trying since last year to find a replacement pair of sunglasses that match the pair I bought last year, to no avail, with no success herein.) A few of us began making the rounds, and were led through a dozen different shoppes. Finally I passed through a shop, and MS sexy noticed a small green snake on my shoulder. If I had known what a freak this snake would turn out to be I may have left him there. We made our way back to the beach bar, where Mr. Gasperau (Cory) had overtaken the band, and man that was some great stuff, he is a really talented singer. At this point the snake began to show his true colors, and slithered along to cozy up to all the ladies in the place. He drank a beer, did visit the little snakes room, and continued his debauchery. We wrapped up things in the beach bar, and headed back to the boat, for more drinking, skinny dipping, and later the cream party. Once a few more drinks were out, and the skinny dipping was over, the cream party began. Mr. Sexy returned from the cruise with more than a few bruises, and that freakin snake violated a couple more ladies, got deep throated by the chicken, joined the whipped cream party, and was generally active enough to make Caligula feel like Pat Robertson. I realize this all sounds like a great day, and a full day, but that’s not how this guy does it. This f...ing guy. It was rescuers night, so I broke out the fireman’s outfit, and headed to dinner, really just to get a little something in my stomach to counteract the four gallons or so of alcohol I had consumed to this point. There are some great pics for the night (firefighters always get the ladies, unless there is an astronaut around, lol). I was in the last dozen standing this night but the batteries were dead and I went in at 5. That’s right, 9am to 5am.
Day 5 started a little slow, with my liver AWOL. It had decided that it was NOT in it to win it, and it was out. I added some water to my consumption, and started the days drinking with a Cesar around noon for lunch at margaritas. It was a day for Cesar and slow speed. That’s all for tonight, part two and the rest of my adventures to come…

 

Great report. I worked on my next three days but the web sight timed out before I got to post it...grrr. Oh well i'll retype it tomorrow.

 

And now for part two of day 5, and the rest. Day 5 in the afternoon involved a nap, between a half dozen and a dozen Cesars, some alcohol infused whipped cream, and a rum and coke. Low Impact…. We returned to the room, got ready and headed to dinner for the night. We attended a private event, and around 10 needed dinner, and we decided on Margaritas. My stomach and I were on uneasy ground (6 gallons of a mix of every drink available at Temptation resort will do that to you) so I decided on Enchiladas, for what I thought would be an easy, somewhat bland meal. I have had many an enchilada in my day, and plenty of spicy foods, but I have never seen anything like these. The first bite was like eating actively burning gasoline, not that I have a basis for comparison. Miss Sexy saw I was “uncomfortable” for the rest of the meal, and offered me her meal in exchange, but I refused to subject her to that. I let her have a small bite, after which she agreed. These were hence dubbed Satan’s Enchiladas (los enchiladas des diablo). We proceeded to Paty O, a few more Cesars and other drinks, and we were back in it to win it. We hung in for quite a few more hours, drinks and shots flowing heavily, and everyone partied hard.
Day 6 saw a fresh start, and the party started early. Miss sexy went down for the count early in the day with sun poisoning. She hung back, we got her some medicine, and she camped out under an umbrella for most of the day. This day also saw the arrival of Laurie and Mike. Mike got the big sexy treatment, eleventeenhundred shots later, Laurie became the mother of 26 of big sexy spawn just that day, and mike was ninety percent down for the count. I was matching him in shots and Cesars, and by the end of the day we ended up at the seafood restaurant, where we met them for dinner. We spent the next couple hours going through a series of some of my best stories, which were probably restaurant inappropriate but garnered a laugh all same. By the end of the night we spent six hours at paty’o on lingerie night. The night was fun other than what ninety percent of the ladies described as a creeper dude, and his buddy taking pics. His camera was promptly confiscated and erased. I personally recommend a blackjack in use for anyone taking unapproved pictures, but that is just Big Sexy’s policy.
Day 7 - started off fairly routine, miss sexy snoozed after a late night and I went down to see the boob’s cruisers off on their trip. There were quite a few missing parties, likely due to the party the night before. The Cruisers left, and the party got started fairly routine. It was a little mellow, but that is to be expected with the majority of the cruisers off resort. All the same, drinks were a flowing, the shot machine was in action, and the party was on. As I told the aforementioned Mike, all hell was set to break loose once the cruise returned, and sure to my work it was on like Donkey Kong…. We must’ve filled the damn shot machine four more times, and certain activities were simulated using the shot machines “spray”. We shut down the pool, headed in and got ready for dinner, planning to try to get there early to maybe get an early seating. For dinner I got dressed in my full getup, Caesar at his best. Many of you may have seen my signature move, often now used by Oliver or Johnny, “vive or muerto”, thumbs up or down. Naturally that damn snake from the Boobs Cruise made the trip down, and raised all kinds of hell. The pictures tell his tale; yet again he is one freaky mother f-er. In addition, miss sexy pulled in her glow items, LED lasers, flashing sunglasses, and such. The drinks were flowing strong and regular, the shots were rolling like they were rolling out of a machine gun, and the night continued. We kept partying until 530am, when we met up with MJ and Dan, and MJ saved us from severe, wicked hangovers with her super B complex.
Day 8 to 9 – The last stand of Big Sexy and the Immortals…. Lol. I had all the tag lines engaged here, In it to Win it, On like Donkey Kong, My best Randy Moss thumbs at the nameplate. We employed the bug mug, AIWC, the shot machine, stacks of shots, you name it. It was arguably one of the best days of the week, with one of the wildest pool parties as well. We had dinner reservations that night at the Asian, again with mike and Laurie (after she had decided to have 47 of my love children (although after being in the sexy pool the parentage could be in question) the least I could do was buy her dinner. And this is where it all went south…. I got a red bull, and added a purple / grape powdered energy drink to it. I needed a little pick-me-up, and little did I know what the hell the effect of this would be. This Malevolent drink is what I earlier referred to as the “Columbus Speedball”, and caused the effect of the same name. We went and had dinner, wrapped this up around 11pm, and I went to change into my theme gear. There is a photo of this, but the best part of this was the liquid insanity effect. There were a few spankings administered, a whole lotta smiles, and more than one handcuffing. We proceeded to Paty O, and the party continued. There were more than a few looks that amounted to what is this freaky MFer up to, and naturally that damn snake was in it again. This party continued until 7am or so, when big sexy was holding court at the sexy pool, and was retrieved by a concerned but also amused miss sexy. Once court was adjourned, a half hour power nap ensued. Packing was completed, some food consumed, and my energy level remained off the chart. We had a couple hours last stop at the pool, Mike was anointed with the shot machine, and we began the trip home.
We got to the airport, and I have realized that there is a reason Chris Farley, John Belushi, and many other funny men don’t live to ripe old age – The side effects of rapid bursts of energy must come from somewhere (in their cases it was the effect of illegal drugs, in mine it was the super energy shot) – and for me they came from the rest of the day. We ate a couple severely overpriced sandwiches at the airport, boarded a plane with limited to no AC, (though that may have been the alcohol furnace that was burning in my body at that point)
Once in the Miami airport we had dinner with Debb and Will, and Brendan and Angie, who were I am sure amused by my complete sleep deprived, alcohol fueled, caffeine hangover induced ranting and raving (I mean, seriously I couldn’t seem to shut up, lol)
In retrospect to the whole trip, another fantastic time at Temptation, with some new faces (to us at least) and a whole lotta faces we’ve seen before and hope to see again. We are scoping out our dates for December already, and I know some conversations around next April are starting as well, and I know we will be back every year for the duration, at least as long as I am able.

Please review the “April Adventure” picture file, it is restricted to my connections however. It is critical to the story above…

 

Matt: Anyway to get on connections file short of my wife or first born. You were really on fire with that Columbus speedball. Just remember the key to getting old is "PACE"

 

What was the powdered energy drink? I am always looking for new ways to kickstart the night. It usually takes 2-3 5 hr energy for me to get geared up.

Loved the report!
May need to befriend to take a gander at all year pics. Shot machine???? Intriguing.

~Shawna

 

I've read a lot of great trip reports as we get ready for our first visit but this is the first time I actually feel like I was there.

 

hey doug, we are already connected so you should be able to see them

 

thanks, I aim to please... lol

 

Awesome trip report. Now detox time lol

Glad u enjoyed ur trip