March 26th-April 2nd "te gusta" trip report WARNING- LONG!

picking up where I left off

Thursday, March 28th- After the long night with the crazy kids showing us Mexico I recall being introduced to the office of Cancuncare.com. I am not sure if anyone had noticed while we were away but our profile name abruptly changed to "hotcock". All the while that night something "went wrong" with the computer to not be able to change it back. So that got to be the early morning talk at breakfast and around the sexy pool. Once again with limited sleep we make our way to the bedroom for a mid-day "nap". What do our ears hear but a very obnoxious know at our door. Lenni and Jodie, what a surprise! No rest for the wicked, so toss on the trunks and hit the bar and make our way to grab a bite to eat. To say we were going to take it easy would have been a joke. We let them make their way to their room and we head back out to the pool to meet up with some of the others. What were we gonna do sit around? I mean come off it... it was lingerie night already!!! :musik026:

So we make our way to our room, shower up and gather our things. Not knowing what our companions for the evening will be sporting we decide to hike up to their room after having a wonderful dinner at the Chinese restaurant, just Kellie and I. We had the smallest of rooms being 1119, which is just big enough for the bed and a suitcase while they had a room that rivaled the taj mahal. Why not post up there and figure out the game plan. Our turn to catch them out of place. Knock, knock. Who's there. and what to our surprise they have nothing for lingerie night. Good thing we came prepared. Lenni's rule of thumb for packing. More costumes, less clothes. so Kell has an extra black sheer baby doll for Jodie, while Kellie put on her pink sheer baby-doll. I get to sporting a tux thong with tails. Parading through PatyO's on our way over to nice shoes, wow did I get the laughs. fun times but soon to be the life of the party.

Once into nice shoes and we start the gambling we find how much fun it is to get extra chips and help all the others. Trying to cheat though, gets you called out by Paloma pretty quick. Now for the fun part! Ahh the king and queen of the night. Your in need of 4 guys you say? I don't think they finished saying it and I find my way up and around. My competition 2 other guys, same build but then one VERY VERY VERY LARGE BLACK MAN!!(6'4" probably about 315lbs of muscle) wearing black bikini underwear with a roughly a 15" red faux penis. Well guess who won. Yep you guessed it... NOT ME! lol What the hell, it's all about the fun right?!

The long walk into PatyO's was just as much fun. It ends up being a parade of sexiness for all of those not participating. As I am walking in I get fondled and caressed by men and women alike, lifting the coat tails on the rear of my outfit and getting a good laugh with me. Why am I gonna let that bother me? we are all there to have fun beside it is not like I am getting molested. Was I? While we make even better friend with Lenni and Jodie we start talking about body shots. after surveying the landscape we presume the best spot is the high top marble table in front of the DJ. So the plotting geniuses that Lenni and I are, knowing security will be all over this very quickly he goes to get the creamy drink with Kellie while I dance with Jodie. On the sly I start to clear glasses from the table and ask someone to move. Now Lenni is back with Kellie and we each hoist our others SO up to the table top. Kellie like a naive little school girl doesn't get the idea of a body shot and that was the main idea so she gets in position and starts to try ad scissors her up on the table. Jodies top comes off in some fashion and Lenni starts to pour the drink over her while Kellie starts giving the body shots. Wow does security work quick as they were very fast to break this up. All the few second this was going on it turned into a Beyonce paparazzi and Chinese tourist photo shoot all wrapped into one. The amount of flashes going off I will be surprised if this doesn't end up on the web.

Later through the night as the party is dying down around 2am we find there is a new found friend that is checking out tomorrow. Yep, lingerie king, Mr. Big red. Picture the guy from the movie the green mile. Lenni and I, like 2 little school boys and chattering like a couple of drunken monkeys, start in on each other. Then Lenni has this great game he thought up back in week eight. Something about taking turns spanking each other and picking someone to spank the next person. Well with limited people it turns into Lenni and I just smacking each other across the ass and I think Jodie even got it once. Now our new found friend looks at us like a couple of crazy effin white guys. After asking him if he wanted to join and looking at us like "oh hell no" Then when the topic of money comes up he suddenly changes his mind. I guess everyone has a price. So the deal was that, if I would take a shot from this big man across my ass, then Lenni would take one also. So there I stand bent over one on the table top chairs as he winds up, and SMACK!! leaving this massive paw print welted across my ass stretching onto my hip. That's how big his hand was. Now after getting smacked I wanted to cry like a little bitch but once again, this is war between Lenni and I, so I suck it up and whining I say "I have had worse from my daddy". Next up, Lenni for the win... swing and a direct hit! Jumping sky high he says he felt like he just got f#@%ed by a freight train. So back to drinking and partying until the twilight hours of the morning, somewhere in the neighborhood of 4:30. I believe this is where the chicken comes in. I was going to bring it to the Boobs Cruise along with an orange wig and take bets on who has the biggest "cock". Well since that didn't happen and Lenni and I were extremely drunk we though it to be a good idea to run up and down the halls making this son of a bitchin thing squawk. So to those of you that were awoke by a crazy chicken getting it throat finger fucked and screaming while we are laughing our asses off, I APOLOGIZE. If it make you feel better as we call it a night in less than 1 hour after Kellie and I go to bed the phone rings. Lenni here, wakey, wakey eggs and bakey he says. To which Kellie answers what do you want!! and he replies I am coming down there. Kellie abruptly stops him and says don't you dare! So here we are starting to fall back asleep and there is a knock on the door. Ah, but who to our surprise you guessed it. GO THE FUCK AWAY! Next thing we wake up the "next day"( a few hours later, with blood blistered, bruised and welted asses with hand prints on them.

Friday, March 29th ok so everyone needs a recovery day right? that was me... BAD! no headache no chill just the rotten feel of "too much alcohol" in the gut and the need for either a liver transplant or a slight move towards a 12hr detox. I picked the detox. WATER, STAT!!! and lots of it pissing like race horse for a few hours and playing coy. Understand that if you try this to long, Tiger, Pedro, and Victor will be all over your game and start slipping a lil something in there(if they know you well enough) to get you going again. So once again we are back on the party train rockin the captain now and we are about to set sail. Off to a secluded location this evening where there is a photo shoot in progress with some of our newly made friends. So we retrieve some drink and head back to the shoot for some relaxing conversation and some very beautiful women working their poses. Thank you ladies for the show. You looked absolutely amazing!!

Sitting around the pool we are glad to realize it was our detox day. We see one of our new friends on their way out with a bag containing 4 cans of whip cream, 2 bottles of champagne and one other thing that I couldn't quite figure out. At this point we sit back and watch as the entertainment unfolds. Body shots everywhere, nameless debauchery and then right when you think you have seen it all at TTR there is on sole willing enough to be the guinea pig. the smell of testosterone in the air is overwhelming and the crowd is loving it as everyone gathers in closer. The party keeps going and some females get called out for not getting it all up. Ever played golf... play it where it lays! Well for one unlucky man he does just that, kneeling down and as the whip cream falls from her body onto the wet ground near the sexy pool bar swings, he pays the ultimate price. He leans over and licks it off the ground!!! WTF!! You laugh and praise the man for having the balls to do such a thing but on the other and he ended the party very quickly as from a distance you watch as every peels away like they were roaches as the lights come on. Well played, sir... well played!

White night was a hit while we did call it a night early somewhere just after everyone else. Most all the people last day/night so they wanted to slepp it off and get a good night sleep. So glowing stuff and all "we" got some wonderful picture again. Which if any of you reading this have any pictures with us in them please, please, please we would love to get copies.(pm us so we can get you our contact info). Once again us being the party pooper Lenni wins another war by knocking on the door again saying "you can't miss this"! Tired and drunk I go to the door not opening it and just say go away! 1 hour later or so I guess there was another knock at the door. Lenni again! The report I got from Kellie was that I was very vulgar and sounded extremely "grumpy" as she put it telling him to go away.

Saturday, March 30th oh for the first time I am able to walk out to the sexy pool and actually find a chair! I even had my pick. With about 1/3 of the resort checking out there seemed to be some free spaces so over the chair with our spot saving shirts. Some of you may have seen them on here where they have our screen names on it with a phrase of some kind. We post up there most of the day making our way to lunch, rooms and the bar. We sadly say our goodbyes to our new friends that are checking out this morning and watch them fade away like lost puppies. Sooner or later we have our friends show up. Jodie sits between my legs and Lenni between Kellie's. Laughing and drinking we all go to the bar and only I return where I have an elderly gentlemen sitting next to me ask inquisitively "is the woman sitting next to you your wife or the on on the chair with the tattoos". I reply with a simple "oh my wife is next to me, but I am sure it can get confusing at times". As they come back and we get friendly again it is just looked at like he had seen a ghost. Did he not understand where he is?

Onto our drunken English or Wales group of gents. We made our way to the room towards the end of the day after many, many many people had left, leaving our towels, shirts, and bubba mugs. After about 15 minutes we decide oh let go get out things before security takes them. Let me paint a picture here. We come strolling into the sexy pool from the 4000 block oh how those Scottish boys are still having a go at it around the bar but mindful. We look towards our chairs and no shirts! Crap we are too late. Better head over to security to see if they took them. then as we get closer to our chair we notice that the towels and bubbas are still there. looking around quickly I see a rather larger drunken Englishmen walking around to the door leading into the buffet with my shirt draped over his shoulder. Really? a bright orange shirt that has "sweetchildomine 69" on the back? do you not think people will notice that you are not me after this week of partying? Then as I whistle to get his attention, my little fireplug of a wife beelines it for them while I yell "you have my shirt". He turns and walks into the buffet with his friend which is wearing Kellie's shirt. Mind you, these guys are each about 6 foot something, my wife is all of 5'1". she walk up to them states "this is my shirt so take it off". She rips my shirt from the other guys shoulder and as they try to make excuses she just "duck mouths" her hand saying "yeah, yeah, yeah... whatever". How they didn't try to start something more really surprised me. Can't say they were stealing them cuz I don't want to jump to conclusion like I was told. but other than they needed shirts to get a meal makes me curious. Especially one of them having a shirt on already.

Oh Easter bunny outfits and sexy dresses. Kellie chose to dawns a sexy black very tight dress while others choose to do up some bunny stuff. We stay with 2 other couples while playing some drunken ping pong. Kellie and her new GF decide to play for clothes. We find this is not such a great idea as there is a show going on in nice shoes due to a quick rain shower making it unsafe to do it out there. We partied through the night and making a new set of friends of the incoming crowd. Here we meet up with a couple we saw last year as well and now Kellie seemed to have a following. More drinking and dancing and trying to keep an eye on the one creeper guy that found his way around just trying to grind on every woman. It was fun watching him in the corner every night. Then we noticed something else. Why is it that someone would get a room right above PatyO's and just lounge on the deck/balcony overlooking all night for several nights? creepers!!!

Sunday, March 31st Why does it seem like there is never a break in the days? it is one long party day in and day out. games around the sexy pool and you can see the colors of the sexy pool in April starting to come to life slowly but surely. Staying true to our newly made friends we post up around the pool and enjoy the hooting and hollering of all the single guys with their lady friends. It just kept us in the mood to party. Now when you party and party VERY HARD what is the golden rule? NEVER EVER PASS OUT ON YOUR FRIENDS WITH OTHER PEOPLE AROUND! Well one luck gent found himself in quite the predicament. There he laid, on the last chair in the row near the bathrooms passed out cold. how is anyone letting him get away with this? so with straws in hand and finding every empty cup we can muster we place the straws between his toes and fingers while taking the cups and steadily stacking them on his head to see how many we can get on there. I think it was 9 or so? once those feel he gave out a smile and just stayed there. So no after being tormented you are going to think this is still ok? Well lets make things "comfortable" shall we? we grab the attention of 2 of the sexiest Irish gals we met the night and ask for their assistance. "Can you each spoon him please? one in front and one in back" It was like you couldn't get these girls on him fast enough. standing ovation he gets from the crowd with a mighty fist pump. We stroll back to our chairs and what to our surprise he rises from the coma. Have you ever watched a newly walking child how they lead with their head? He then stands up ans tries to find his footing but finds the edge of the pool stumbling and falling onto the wet deck nailing his elbow and wrist pretty good, as everyone gasps. He stands again! Throws his arms up and rouses a mighty cheer from the crowd where he stumbles into the nearest hot tub. Sorry, but now it is serious! Both of the people being the one teasing are first to get him out and standing. His wife comes up along with their friends they are there with. A guest that is a nurse comes to help and check him out quickly. she though he may have hit his head so we take the precautions in keeping him awake but also helping him all the way back to his room. If you are out there guy, thanks for the laughs and sincerely hope you are no worse for ware!

See thru night. Big turn out for people but not huge on participation. After the previous night Kellie found her 4 different "husbands" she was bouncing back and forth between again. This time with no panties(and making it known), dancing, drinking and having a good ol time. Who was I to stop this?! I'm diggin it! More shots please OLIVER!!

Monday April 1st I can't seriously have a good outlook on the matter that we have only 24 hours before we have to leave. I do my best to put on my party hat. Taking in every last drop of sunshine and every ounce of free booze my liver can handle. To say the last day was a blur would be an understatement. As we are callin our last shots of the night Kellie got approached by a handsome young gent from Canada that is a firefighter. I find myself leaning all over our friends, one being a tall Scottish man and his beautiful wife while I grab his hand and skip to the washroom. Having a couple of cocktails in her as well, Kellie is making no qualms about wooing her firemen friend. Showing his age/inexperience at 25 though you can tell this guy had no game!! Drunk me having to try and plan the escape route leaving this gent blue balled. Good thing we had some other friends there to help out. What a shitty way to say our last goodbyes. There we are and the 16" rubber chicken makes an appearance once again, this time in PatyO's. We were contemplating trying to play hide and seek with the thing through CCC members giving clues as to where it was hidden. After a few more drinks I think the final decision was to talk to Tiger to see if he would hang it up on the pole at/in Diego's. If he is hanging there please be nice but don't be afraid to say hello to the "chicken fucker". So there we are at 5am saying goodbye and being warned not to go to bed as we will regret it. With a 6 o'clock wake up to finish packing with our transport picking us up at 7am. I now know they were right.

We miss out on the buffet due to our early trip out but stop at Margaritaville in the airport for some breakfast. Once on the flight and heading home we know we had a good time but still having a hard time passing out reeling from the fun and the annoying people sitting next to us. Then once we get to the airport at home I realize why you don't go to sleep for 1 hour. I go to the washroom and find that I not only have my underwear on inside out but backwards as well! YEP, HOLY HELL IT WAS A GOOD TRIP!!

Thank you to all that made it such a special time for us. I know that some of you may have wanted to seek anonymity for certain reasons so I intentionally left this as generic as possible. Your names and face will forever be in our memories. Thank You again one and all!!!

 

Fantastic report, Scott! Loved hearing about some of the things I missed...and some of the things I just might have been a part of :icon_lol:

It was fun meeting you and Kellie! Sounds like the trip was even more than you were hoping for!

--Laura

 

Awesome trip report, although reading it made me exhausted and thinking I'm not worthy to party TTR-style :bowdown:

 

Great report, much better than what mine will end up looking like for my marathon-type vacation coming up.

Arrive.
Party.
Rehab.

 

It was everything and then some! I am going to need to get in touch with your lovely husband there mrs lingerie queen to absorb all those crazy picture he got of me being an ass!

Oh yeah, I forgot all about the trip on the 31st to Chichen Itza and the Il Kil Cenote. Let me sum it up this way... A good one time trip and very effin hot with lots of tourists but a simply amazing thing to see and experience.

 

I second that Karen...I wasn't planning on packing any sweaters or warm attire...might have to rethink that now.

 

I'm wondering if Cancun has been a little more chilly than usual because so much of North America has been having a long winter?

Anyway, last April I was there 16-23 and never needed a sweater. One night was bit too hot in Paty-O's, but all the other days and nights the temperature was perfect...nice and warm but not hot.

Hopefully some of the first Addicts who come home next week can update us on whether spring has finally sprung in Cancun. I hate to use any valuable suitcase weight/space for bloody SWEATERS! :icon_rolleyes:

 

Just find a nice gentleman you can cuddle up to and keep warm that way Karen!

 

That's what I dig about you, Keith: you're a fount of wonderful ideas!

Scott, you went to TTR the same week last year. Did you think the weather was overall cooler this year than during your 2012 trip, leaving the first crappy day or two aside?

Can you tell I loathe chilly weather on my beach holidays?!

 

Agh YA! I am going to cancun to get away from crappy weather and sweaters...I want SUN and lots of it!!