A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... Tom, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse. And you thought all they did was say Hello.
great news bev & chris, cant wait to se you both again, we are going to have a great time, roll on april:lotsofmichaelfs::mnm::ernaehrung005::flash::ass:
Well, Danny is the guy who gets home late one night and, Kathy, his wife says, “Where the hell have you been?” Danny replies, “I was out getting a tattoo!” “A tattoo?” she frowned. “What kind of tattoo did you get?” “I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,” he said proudly. “What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head in disgust. “Why on earth would a marketing person get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?” “Well,” he answered, “One, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand and, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.”
An old married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said: "For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"
Where is that old man ED at. (I mean that ol fart) I think hes just too scared to come join us this year.
Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, The Unicorns Dear Twilight fans, Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that. Sincerely, Logic Dear Icebergs, Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch. Sincerely, The Titanic Dear Yahoo, I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." Just saying... Sincerely, Google Dear 2010, So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?! Sincerely, 1985 Dear girls who have been dumped, There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead. Sincerely, BP Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids, Please make one for every skin color. Sincerely, Black people Dear Scissors, I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either. Sincerely, Sarah Palin Dear Customers, Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese. Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies Dear Ugly People, You're welcome. Sincerely, Alcohol Dear World, Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok? Sincerely, The Mayans Dear White People, Don't you just hate immigrants? Sincerely, The Native Americans Dear iPhone, Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut. Sincerely, Every iPhone User Dear Trash, At least you get picked up... Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore Dear Man, It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it? Sincerely, Elephant
RETIREMENT IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass, Tootsie, Joni, Jan, Bonnie, Judy and Muffy. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator. 'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?' 'Yes,' she said. 'They're retired prostitutes, and they're having a yard sale.'
