April 2011 roll call...hahaha!!!!!

I can't put mine up!! :lighting1:

 

THE WOMAN POEM:


Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart, and strong.
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks.
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Will pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh, send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.

THE MAN POEM:

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac gymnast with
big boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me hunting, fishing and drinking.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh!t.

 

this is a keeper!!! so true, so true!!!

 

For you April People from the December/January People... Good for a laugh, but also the god honest truth..







Very Long but worth the read lol.



Dec 8 - 5pm and it's beginning to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our hot rums and sat by the window. The soft snowflakes drifted down and it was an absolutely magnificent night.

Dec 9 - We woke this morning to a big wonderful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantel. I shoveled for the first time in 7ears and it really felt good. I did both the driveway and the sidewalk. Later the snowplow came along and covered up the driveway with the compact snow from the street. He smiled and waved and I waved back and smiled at and shoveled the driveway again.

Dec 12 - The sun has melted most of our lovely snow. Oh well, I'm sure we will get a little more before winter is over.

Dec 14 - It snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to zero. Shoveled the sidewalk and the driveway again. Shortly after I finished, the snowplow came along again and did his trick.

Dec 15 - Sold our car today and bought a 4X4 Blazer so we could get around in the snow easier. Also bought snow tires for the pickup just to be safe.

Dec 18 - Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway. Chiropractor charged me $23.00 but nothing is broken, Thank God. This sky is getting dark again.

Dec 19 - Still cold (minus 10 this morning) and the roads are icy making driving on ring road or through town difficult. I slid into the guardrail with my wife's car. probably $500.00 damage. She is all pissed off and gave me shit.

Dec 20 - We had another 14 inches of the white shit last night. More shoveling in store for me today. the damn snowplow came by twice today.

Dec 22 - We are assured of a White Xmas because another 7 inches of that shit fell today and with this freezing weather, it won't melt until next August
I got all dressed up to go out and shovel that shit again. Put on winter boots, snowmobile suit, scarf, earmuffs, gloves etc. and then got the urge to pee and by now I need a bowel movement too.

Dec 24 - If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I think he hides around the corner until I've finished shoveling, then he comes down the street 100 miles an hour throwing that white shit everywhere he can.

Dec 25 - MERRY XMAS.....they predict 12 more inches of the fucking white shit again tonight. Does anyone know how many God Damn shovel full of snow 12 inches makes? To hell with Santa, he doesn't have to shovel all this white shit so we can have a MERRY XMAS. That damn snowplow operator just came by asking for a donation to their Xmas Fund. I hit him with my fucking shovel. Doctors think he will live.

Dec 28 - We got 12 more inches. I must be going snow blind or I have a severe case of depression because my wife is starting to look good to me.

Dec 29 - Don't eat the brown snow around our house because the toilet froze up and we have to piss outside. The roof is starting to cave in and I am talking to myself because my wife stopped talking to me before XMAS.

Dec 30 - I torched the damn house today!

Jan 4 - We arrived in Mexico today today and some local asshole just gave me the finger. I hope the prick has to shovel his way out of a Saskatchewan snow storm bare assed and 40 below zero.

This is why we go in Dec/Jan LOL

 

This is why we go in Dec/Jan LOL[/QUOTE]

thats funny... I understand.. *nodes head*:daveandmo:

 

keeping it on top!!!

how about our weather huh?.. gawd I am boring .. lol

 

Well Kim, get rid of that "boring" before April!!!!

 

Well, yall may be getting some south texans and philly company in april. we are almost done. let us know the week most of you will be there

 

12th to the 21st Deere!! We're booked!

 

HAHA! I will be all done with the boring by then.. just sitting here at work .. and couldnt think of anything to say to bring up this thread.. I am not really boring .. ahahah!! woody!