April 2011 roll call...hahaha!!!!!

Keeping it on Top!!!

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it
for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a bed
bath. One of them was washing her private
area and noticed that there was a slight
response on the monitor whenever she
touched her there.... They tried it again
and sure enough, there was definite
movement.

They went to her husband and explained
what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as
this sounds, maybe a little '0ral sex'
will do the trick & bring her out of the
coma.'

The husband was sceptical, but they
assured him that they would close the
curtains for privacy. The husband finally
agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor
flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The
nurses ran back into the room. 'What
happened!?' they cried.

The husband said, 'I'm not sure;
maybe she choked.'



NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND..

 

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to

spice up her dead sex-life.

She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa

opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times till her

husband says... "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"

"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God for that... I thought you were sitting on the cat.



.....He never heard the gunshot

 

Man driving down road
woman driving down road opposite way
woman passes man a yells......pig

man yells......bitch
1 mile down road man crashes into pig a dies

 

I just applied for a building permit for a new house.


It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide with 9 turrets at various heights and windows all over the place and a loud outside sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint it snot green.


The Town council told me to get lost.


So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a mosque.


Work starts on Monday.

 

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, "What's your name?"

The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years.... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...

"Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood , you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name.. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent.. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,




Dick van Dyke

 

One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass.

I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.
On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.

This time my curiosity got the best of me, so I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator.

'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your Front lawn?'
'Yes,' she said.



'They're retired prostitutes and they're having a yard sale.
RETIREMENT IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE

 

Keeping it on top!!

so, has anyone found any packages for the April 2011 yet?
has any one booked yet?
and i hope Woody will confirm but i think the hopeful date is the 16th

 

I always go mid week, since the airfare from NY is half price usually, so im thinking either the 13th or the 20th...im leaning for the 13th, but who knows its early yet

 

yes i agree .. mid week is aways a bit cheaper from Alberta as well .. so it will most likely be the same for us.. mid week.. although we don't know if we are going to do 2 weeks straight again or 10 days and then off to rest at a quite resort for 4 days or split the 2 weeks in the middle one full week at TTR and one full week at Desire (not rest there either though)..ahahah!!.. or just do one week in April at TTR and one week this October at TTR... we really cant decide... ;(

 

well like i said before im going to use my timeshare room this year, so im debating the lenght of time im staying also, I may just wait to see whose going and when and try to cover as many people as I can, though i want to try to sleep on the next trip and actually eat a dinner at one of the restaurants lol