April 2011 roll call...hahaha!!!!!

Woody, I like #1 the best.................LOL

 

Keeping it on top!

Good one Woody..

 

Keeping it on top!

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'


The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
'You ARE on the other side.'​

 

I remember that day honey. You sat on that river bank all afternoon looking puzzled....

 

very funny...lol blondie!!!

 

My neighbour found out that her dog ( a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the chemist and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The lady went to the chemist and bought some "Nair" hair remover.


At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist says, "Well stay off your bicycle for about a week."

 

Bedtime Prayer

Dear Lord,

I know that I don't talk to you that much, but this past year you have taken away my favourite actor, Patrick Swayze, my favourite actress, Farah Fawcett, and my favourite musician, Michael Jackson. I just wanted to let you know that my favourite Politician is (insert a name here)...

Amen

 

My neighbors, the two cute, young, lesbians next door, asked me what I would like for my birthday.​

I was quite surprised, when they gave me a Timex!​

It was very nice of them, but I'm pretty sure that they misunderstood me​

when I said:​

"I wanna watch!"​

 

LOL...nice one

 

> A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr.. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"
>
> The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."
>
> The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ."
>
> The person says, "I not American, I am Cambodian."
>
> The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America !"
>
> That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East . I am not American."
>
> He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"
>
> She says, "No, I am from Africa ."
>
> Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
>
> The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."