A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. ~~~ Well, there's a very simple answer. ~~~ Nobody bothered to check the oil. ~~~ We just didn't know we were getting low. ~~~ The reason for that is purely geographical. ~~~ Our OIL is located in: ~~~ ALASKA ~~~ California ~~~ Coastal Florida ~~~ Coastal Louisiana ~~~ North Dakota ~~~ Wyoming ~~~ Colorado ~~~ Kansas ~~~ Oklahoma ~~~ Pennsylvania And Texas ~~~ Our dipsticks are located in DC Any Questions? NO? Didn't think So.
Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure because of the following: 1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. 2.. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. 3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. 4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. 5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. 6. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. 7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. 8. In Australia they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
"Life is all about ass. You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it."
Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland. The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure am!' The first one says, 'So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?' The other woman answers, 'I'm from Dublin, I am.' The first one responds, 'So, am I!! And what street did you live on in Dublin?' The other woman says, 'A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.' The first one says, 'Faith, and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?' The other woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.' The first one gets really excited and says, 'And so did I! Tell me, what year did you graduate?' The other woman answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.' The first woman exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you believe it? I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self! About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight.' Michael asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?' Brian answers, 'The Murphy twins are drunk again.' :aktion034:
Very perceptive........ Never Lose Your Grandson! A heartwarming story. My small grandson got lost at the shopping mall.......... He approached a uniformed security guard and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" The guard asked, "What's his name?" "Grandpa" The guard smiled, then asked, "What's he like?" The little tyke hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Crown Royal whiskey, and women with big tits."
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not a retiree should be put in an old age home?" "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the retiree and ask him or her to empty the bathtub" "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?" DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?
e=mail me, ok? w/ your regular e-mail addy and I'll get you on the list and send info. vetter79@rochester.rr.com Woody
