April 2011 roll call...hahaha!!!!!

Recently I was asked to run a marathon.

At first I said, 'Naaahhh!'

Then they said to me 'Come on, it's for handicapped and blind kids.'

Then I thought........




Shit...I could win this.......!

 

Keeping it on top!!!

 

Math has changed over the years

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

1. Teaching Math In 1950s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?

2. Teaching Math In 1960s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1970s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990s

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok )

6. Teaching Math In 2010

Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

 

*L*.. funny.. but I think the '80s one is more accurate now *LOL*

 

This is on the French Riviera, just outside Monte Carlo .
One of the best advertisements ... ever!!! :69:

 

Larry's Proverbs




1. A day without sunshine is like night.


2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.


3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.


5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.


6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.


7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.


8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.


9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.


10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.


11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.


12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.


14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?


15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.​

​

​

 

Income supplement

In these tough economic times I figured I would supplement our income and get into the vending machine business on the side.

So I bought a bunch of the change machines. You know, the kind where you put bills in and get coins back?

Anyway, so far I'm pretty disappointed.

Not counting the initial investment, I'm just breaking even....

 

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a Coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a Coke.."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same.."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say..."

 

A guy walks into a bar with a barking raging rottweiler, walks up to the bartender and orders a drink... the bartender says whats up with the angry dog, the guys says, how about if i show you a trick my drink is free...the bartender being curious says, ok... so the man looks at the raging barking dog and punches the dog right in face, the dogs sits dog and starts blowing the guy.... THe bartender is amazed at this, he says, how did you get that angry dog to blow you by hitting him.... the guy says to the bartender, do you want to try it....the bartender says " yeah but dont hit me as hard as you hit the dog"

 

To all our Canadian Mates out there that just, maybe just think we're wrong on this dude!! Just maybe!! :daveandmo::flash:

BEFORE YOU THINK I'VE FLIPPED MY LID, READ THE ENTIRE COLUMN!
Three Cheers for Obama!
That is right - I will say it. . .. . THANK GOD FOR OBAMA!

He destroyed the Clinton Political Machine - Driving a stake thru the Heart of Hillary's Presidential aspirations--something no Re publican was ever able to do. Re member when a Hillary Presidency scared the daylights out of you!

He killed off the Kennedy Dynasty - No more Kennedys trolling Washington looking for booze and women wanting rides home. American women and freedom are safer tonight!

He is destroying the Democratic Party before our eyes!


Dennis Moore had never lost a race - quit


Evan Bayh had never lost a race - quit


Byron Dorgan - had never lost a race - quit


Harry Re id - bid for re-election doesn't look good


These are just a handful of the Democrats whose political careers Obama has destroyed! By the end of 2010 dozens more will be!


In December of 2008 the Democrats were on the rise. In the last two election cycles they had picked up 14 senate seats and 52 house seats.


The press was touting the death of the Conservative Movement and the Re publican Party.


In one year Obama put a stop to all of this and will probably give the house, if not the senate back to the Re publicans.

He has completely exposed liberals and progressives for what they are.


Every generation seems to need to relearn the lesson on why they should never actually put liberals in charge.


He is bringing home the lesson very well!
Liberals tax, borrow and spend - check
Liberals won't bring themselves to protect America - check
Liberals want to take over the economy - check
Liberals think they know what is best for everyone - check
Liberals aren't happy till they are running YOUR life - check

He has brought more Americans back to conservatism than anyone since Re agan
In one year he rejuvenated the Conservative Movement and brought out to the streets millions of Freedom Loving Americans.


Name me one other time in your life that you saw your friends and neighbors this interested in taking back America !

In all honesty one year ago I was more afraid than I had ever been in my life. Not of the economy, but of the direction our country was going. I thought Americans had forgotten what this country was all about. My neighbors, friends, strangers proved to me that my lack of confidence of the greatness and wisdom of the American people was flat out wrong.

When the American People wake up, no smooth talking teleprompter reader can fool them!


Obama woke up these Great Americans
Again I want say Thank you Obama!

So, Lets Re cap "2009".........what a year! WOW!!!


1. The American people inaugurate a half-Arab president with a total of 142 days experience as a US Senator from the most politically corrupt state (city) in America whose governors have been ousted from office. The President's first official act is to order the close of Gitmo and make sure terrorist’s civil rights are not violated. (Honest mistake?)

2. The U.S. Congress rushes to confirm a black Attorney Gene ral, Eric Holder, whose law firm we later find out represents seventeen Gitmo Terrorists. (An honest mistake?)

3. The CIA Boss appointee, Leon Panetta, has absolutely no experience.

4. We got the second most corrupt American woman (Pelosi is #1) as Secretary of State; bought and paid for. (You can put lipstick on a pig, but it still stinks!)

5. We got a Tax Cheat for Treasury Secretary who did not properly file his own taxes for 12 years. (He misspoke!)

6. A Commerce Secretary nominee who withdrew due to corruption charges. (Another honest mistake???)

7. A Tax cheat nominee for Chief Performance Officer who withdrew under charges. (Hmmm... Another screw-up?)

8. A Labor Secretary nominee who withdrew under charges of unethical conduct. (Ok, maybe this person was just plain stupid.)

9. A Secretary HHS nominee (Daschle) who withdrew under charges of cheating on his taxes. (I'm running out of excuses for these idiots!!)

10. Multiple appointments of former lobbyists after an absolute campaign statement that no lobbyists would be appointed.
(Dear God, I am getting a headache!)

All this occurred just during the first three weeks. . . But who's counting?

America is being run by the modern-day Three Stooges; Barry, Nancy and Harry and they are still trying to define stimulus..."it's spending!!!"

The congress passes the $800,000,000,000 (that's $800 billion) pork-loaded spending bill where the government gives you a smidgen of your tax dollars ($13 per week), making you feel so good about yourself [stimulated], that you want to run out to Wal-Mart and buy a new Chinese-made HDTV!

Only with the Liberals...
Pray for our country.
Here's the good news though - Obama took Air Force One to Denver to sign the stimulus package, wasting as much as 10,000 gallons of fuel OR 24 JOBS FOR ONE YEAR.

Don't you just love hypocrites?
Obama went to the International Olympic Committee to have them choose Chicago for a host city, he failed.
Obama went to Copenhagen to lecture them on global warming, he failed
Obama went to New Jersey to promote the Democratic candidate for governor, he failed,
Obama went to Virginia to promote the Democratic candidate for governor, he failed
Obama went to Massachusetts to promote the Democratic candidate for senator, he failed.

Speaking of praying, Obama has now been president for a full year and yet he & wife (first lady) Michelle, the Christian family they claim to be, have not attended church since the inauguration.

Obama is the 1st president in history who did not attend any Christmas religious observance.
He must miss Re verend Wright!

And finally, he is the 1st president to remain on vacation after a terrorist attack.

Anyone that supports this insanity can keep "THE CHANGE".


Just Facts...............................yet I'm sure those on the Left will say this is no big deal!!!!!!!